Love

There is so much I should be writing. After everything I experienced here at Urbana afterall. I need time to figure things out, after that, things should be clearer.

No regrets, just a new path to start.

Things I find adorable in boys

I think it's really cute when a guy covers his eyes when knocking on your hotel room because he's afraid someone might be naked.

Books

Reading "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho.

I have decided that I want to read all his books, and all of Chuck Palahnuik's books as well. There aren't that many, at most 20 in total?

It's crazy because the girl in the book is me, minus the suicidal part. And the apathetic part.

There is so much wisdom in Coelho's books and stories. I wish I had a grandfather who would tell me stories like that. I do have a grandfather, but its different... Perhaps this is a sign that I should talk to my grandfather more before he passes away. There are so many stories of things that he's gone through, being that he's from communist China.

Books and stories are beautiful lovers. I wish I could just spend days and days reading without being bothered by people like my mom. She's currently in a house-cleaning project and wants me to help her, which I don't mind so much, but I'd rather read.

Guys like this need to get a life

I was harassed at work today. It came as quite a shock because well, I wasn't expecting it. At least not at the video store where I work. A video store. And we're in a good, well-established and classy neighbourhood too.

It came in the form of a phone call. I was helping a male customer on the phone with some price checks, being professional the whole time and then at the end of the call, he asks, "Are you hot?".

I hung up on him.

At the last two places I worked at, get harassed by male customers was bound to happen, I suppose. It was a surprise today though. I got pissy infront of customers and my boss. No one minded though because my anger was justified.

But seriously, guys who harass women or even other men need to get a life. Harassment shows no respect and insensitivity towards those people. People, no matter who they are, need to be treated like people instead of objects that can be toyed around or played with.

Justice

I suppose I am naive in thinking everything is so black and white.

But if something was wrong, wouldn't you want to change it too?

Summer Plans (in December)

I have decided that this summer, instead of pursuing summer courses, or a prestigious internship, I will take it easy (but not really).

I plan to self-educate. That means reading as many classical or cultural or spiritual books as possible. I have a steadily growing list that will never get read during the school year, due to all my courses. I'll post it soon.

I also want to take advantage of my employment at Rogers and watch all the movies and DVDs that would further my cultural knowledge. I like "getting" cultural references, like if someone mentions a line from a movie, I like being able to know where the line is from, how it alludes to other references and the significance of why the person said it and how it fits in to the situation.

I'm going to relive High school by watching teen dramas such as Dawson's Creek and Smallville. I figure that there's plenty of time for me to grow up and get an internship in the next few years.

I haven't heard back from the Toronto Star yet (I ended up applying to an internship there last minute), but I probably didn't get the job, knowing that there are many other applicants who have better portfolios than mine. I'm not going to be applying to internships for a while until my portfolio is well-maintained with lots of quality work and I have lots (meaning 3 more years) of experience writing for my campus paper.

I'm only 19, while that means there are other 19, even 18 year olds out there who are doing their best to grab internships or jobs in their field, I'm really in no rush to grow up. There's plenty of time to do that later. Plenty of time to devote my life to work. My friend is 31 and he's in the same program as me, though we show no signs of getting younger, there is no rush to establish ourselves in our line of work.

My main concern is keeping a focus this summer of reading and watching movies. And creating art. Last summer and the summer before that; too many social activities. Luckily, this summer most of my friends are pretty involved in summer courses and jobs. Hopefully I won't get distracted from my goals.

I envision myself hanging out at a library or a coffeeshop everyday, reading a book, attending concerts/music events occasionally, going out to cultural events (theatre), watching movies at night, and working (at most) twice a week. And making art.

4 whole months x 4-5 books a month = approximately 16-20 books in total. Plus 4-8 movies a week. The goal of my summer is not to make money or meet new people, but to learn.

Awkward moments

My new mantra is going to be:

Avoid any encounters that are predicted to be awkward. That means: avoid people you usually say hi to if they are with their parents. Or people that you sort of, but don't really know well.

Same same but different

I saw something that frightened me a tad today. At the library, I was in the cafeteria, and almost everyone was using a Mac computer! There was only one person with a PC. It was an eerie sight!

Everyone was drinking a Starbucks and on their Macs.

Previously, I was considering getting a Macbook. I am reconsidering now, worried about the loss of my individuality. I do not want to be a Macbook clone. I know it sounds frivolous, like a desperate and unnecessary attempt to be different, but I seriously do not want to be lost in the crowd of Macbook users.

I know this is cliche and paradoxical, but I want to be "unique, just like everyone else".

What is it with people wanting to be different? To be distinguished from everyone else? I feel like I need to read a multitude of sociology and psychology books to find this answer. Or maybe google will help...

(back from googling)

Okay, so Google says "Because people want to be special, to be remembered, to somehow be significant in their own way". This is true. Everyone wants to be special. But why? Is it an innate ego thing, or is it a cultural identity thing?

It reminds me of Stephen Christian's Orphaned Anythings book; yet I don't remember the exact reason why. I need to re-read that book. It's one of my favourites, yet I don't remember one of the key messages in it. What a fail...

Thus this leads me to a conclusion: I need to read/re-read more books during the holidays. My list of things to do keeps getting longer.

YES!

I love it! No more borrowing IDs, I can go to any show/concert in Toronto! Life is really good at this moment.

Live like everyday is your birthday

A man said to me today "You're the most beautiful lady I've seen today".

He was sweet and so sincere.

I'm inspired to brighten up strangers' and friends' days as well.

Birthday Post

I turned 19 fifteen minutes ago. And I felt like blogging. I think I did the same thing last year too when I turned 18. I was in my dorm room, talking to someone on msn. Now I am STILL on msn (appearing offline), talking to someone. Once a nerd, always a nerd. I'm definitely not the clubbing type.

The thing about birthdays is that it's nice to get all the attention of birthday greetings. But a part of me feels like I'm not deserving of all this attention. All the phone calls, texts, facebook one liners...

What did I do that deserves all of this? Nothing, nothing at all. I just managed to survive living for 19 years of age. Not difficult. Billions of people have done it.

It's strange eh? The phenomenon of birthdays. Having cake and presents and parties and being surrounded by friends.

I appreciate it all. I really do. Thanks, everyone!

I just wish I'd do something extraordinary...

Decisions

Sometimes I feel like Leonard from the movie Memento. I go ahead and do something and I later regret that decision. I can't seem to remember why I went and did something in the first place. Everything seems so confusing and unfamiliar.

I keep hearing that stress affects decision-making skills. Was it stress speaking for me?

Perhaps I have a split personality like Tyler Durden in the Fight Club.

Whatever. It's too late to change anything. No use moping about anything.

I need to "grab life by the balls". Somehow, that sounds so wrong...

Finding roots

To my first love, visual arts:

I'm sorry I've neglected you these past few months. Me and you are going to spend a lot of time together in the next while, I promise!

With love,
Jessica

Note to Self:/ why I'm not a heavy drinker

Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol in public. The asian glow is not attractive.

Vanity aside, here are the reasons I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol:

1. The thought of alcohol flowing through my bloodstream is unsettling. I just don't like the idea...
2. I don't like the smell of beer breath
3. Bad experiences: people puking all over the place
4. Bad experiences with me puking all over the place
5. People start doing stupid things and it freaks me out
6. I start doing stupid things and it freaks me out the day after because I don't know what I've done!
7. I don't like hangovers.
8. And back to the vanity: beer bellies.

Thoughts about Valkyrie:

Thoughts about the movie, not the actual event.

I watched the movie Valkyrie yesterday starring Tom Cruise. The movie is mostly centred around the going-ons of Europe, so there were no people of different races, everyone was white. Also, most of the story focused around what men did and women played a secondary role in the movie.

The movie was about Tom Cruise's actions, he played Colonel Stauffenberg- a central figure in the Valkyrie operation. The person I really identified with was Stauffenberg's wife. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being a housewife, taking care of the house, having beautiful blond children like she did, having a nice big well-furnished house and a handsome war hero husband.

Despite equal rights for women nowadays, I also like the old-fashioned notion of women staying at home taking care of children. It seems so romantic to wait for your man at home. It really does.

On the other hand, I'd like to have my own career and make my own impact on the world. I don't believe in men treating us as lesser than other men. I wouldn't mind being incharge of a large media organization, or making the calls for big decisions. But then again, I suppose anyone would enjoy power.

Your thoughts?

Dreams are so funny

I had this dream where I went to a John Mayer concert and bought a ticket near the very back because obviously I can't afford front row. And then it turns out not many people showed up at the concert, so people in the back were allowed to move up to the front.

Yeah, I know right?

Dream on...

You live, you learn

One of my worst nightmares has just come true and it's not bothering me all that much. So the paper will have to print a retraction- big deal, it wouldn't be the first time. If Jan Wong can stand through the fire, I can too.

Problem is though, I made a journalistic mistake, she just wrote her opinion. I still stand by my article though.

This would have been my reply, had they not shut the comments section down.

Despite the inaccurate monetary amount in this article, I still stand by my point of view. $28.57 is a substantial amount of money for an unskilled job such as a station collector. There are many Torontonians out there who are making minimum wage, $9.50, yet their job requires them to treat customers with respect and courtesy. The TTC should learn to do the same. People are bitter towards the TTC not only because of the increased fare but also out of resentment of the high wages TTC workers earn but the low quality of service the commuters recieve in return.

There are also many companies out there who are cutting on staff in the recession. CEOs are taking less money because of stockholder complaints.

I do agree that the government should have more of a hand in funding, but at the same time, there are many holes the TTC needs to fix to justify the fare increase to customers.

As for Transit City, only time will tell if it is as successful as the marketing says it will be.

What can I say? I'm still learning. You don't always get it right the first time. Though this will have repercussions for my later articles- they will probably check them like a hound dog- it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bad journalist or that I am destined to be a bad journalist. Einstein started off really slow too. It takes courage to say what you really feel, sometimes going against the flow and sparking controversy.

I move on.

Dear Food Channel,

As much as I'd love to try making your recipes, I simply do not have 6 hours of spare time to wait for the food to cook while stirring every hour. I cannot afford the 1 hour preparation time to cut and wash everything.

It is a nice fantasy to watch your cooks in your sparkling kitchens with all the food pre-cut though. Too bad its not my reality.

Notes to self:

If you want something bad enough, nothing is stopping you. How an indie filmmaker cut out the middleman

I get by with a little help from my friends...

I always feel better after phone calls with the best friend. I just realized that despite all the supposed "cons" in my life right now, that I am actually really blessed. It helps to know that someone is right there with you after every down moment.

On another note, I was invited to a party with the Drama Society. I'm not going to go because I don't want to see what everyone looks like drunk. It doesn't seem appealing somehow.

Now, on to finishing this monster essay!

Library Thoughts

Today my mom dropped me off a block away from the library, making me walk there, saying that I "needed the exercise". She was going to go in the library's direction anyway but decided that I needed the fresh air. She drove off with an evil smile, leaving me with my backpack and winter jacket in the cold. Thanks mom...

On the way to library, I obviously got distracted, and ended up in a free-admission art gallery run by the university. I learnt that artists often B.S. their artist statements about their strange pieces of work. Even if the artwork looks like crap, it means something deep apparently. I think I could be a good artist.

At the library now. An hour ago, my laptop was overheating and I was greeted with, as all the techgeeks say "the blue screen of death". It was pretty horrible. The internet here sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. It's not a good day to be a U of T student.

Comparisions

Day after day I feel stupider and stupider. Here I am moaning and complaining about the TTC's increased fees and there are others out there who are reading Malthus and commenting on how contraception will reduce poverty in our economic times.

I feel like the marks I get in class aren't deserved now. There is always someone out there who is smarter, better.

Not me, today.

The world is quick and I feel like I'm running behind.

Resemblaces between Don and KevJumba:

Both are asian. Both are Mandarin. Both are cute and funny. Both are 19. Both have had at least 3 girlfriends.

One goes to school in California, one goes to school in Ontario.

Trying to decide which one is cuter...

KevJumba is definitely funnier (sorry Don), but he's not as fit?

One is a celebrity and has thousands of girl fans, but the other will always have a place in my heart.

Thanks for the laugh today, Youtube.

Yeah, that's life...

How sad. I wrote our anniversary in my calendar and now I have to cross it out.

Note to Self #2:

No more watching depressing films. Life is depressing enough. Too much thinking wears out the brain anyway. It's easier to be a "bimbo" and watch chick-flicks/rom-coms all day.

Songs I'm really feeling right now

Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia John Newton
All By Myself- Celine Dion

This is pathetic I know, wallowing in self-pity and break-up songs- but what else can I do?

Charm 101

Many people underestimate the power of charm. These are the same types of people who give up easily.

I have gotten into a sold-out concert for free, gotten free food (once, it was a catered event and I wasn't invited), gotten my math teacher to change my grade, gotten myself employed...

One of the things you have to understand about charm is that you can use it to get things you want. You can also use it to win people over.

I discovered this back in high school when I was performing a song at the talent show my high school organizes. I changed the song last minute and I added a guitar player, however I didn't tell the person who was organizing the show with enough time beforehand. In my mind, I didn't think it would be a big deal because I just needed an extra chair for him to sit beside me, they wouldn't need to add an extra mic or anything. No biggie right?

Wrong. Apparently, since he would be sitting beside me (we were doing an acoustic set), the whole lighting scheme would change. One spotlight wouldn't be big enough for both of us.

I was trying my hardest to convince the woman supervisor, but she wouldn't let me perform the song because it was last minute and it wasn't written into the script. And then the male teacher who was incharge of the whole production came in and asked what was wrong. I told him my case. At the end, he said it was no problem, and I was able to perform the song I wanted to. He pulled me in for a hug (which was kind of uncomfortable for me), but I let him hug me anyway because of what he just did for me.

And that was the start of me realizing what my womanly charm could do.

Men can charm too, so if you're male and you're reading this, don't feel disadvantaged.

I was at a bookstore today, and the bookstore owner, a man in his 40s tried to get me to buy more books by referring to me as the "pretty young lady". He wasn't hitting on me and I didn't find him creepy. It's completely fine to dole out compliments. Infact, I found his friendliness quite genuine and it makes me want to continue being a customer. I should also add that there are many men out there who use their charm to seduce women into one-night stands, and it works quite often.

The other time when I got both me and my then-boyfriend into the sold out show for free, the boyfriend complained that it seemed like I was begging and he was ashamed of standing next to me.

From one perspective, yes, getting things for free after persuading people to give them to you is similar to begging. On the other hand, I see it as using powerful convincing skills to get what you need. I explained to the guy incharge of the doors that I absolutely had to see the band that was sold out and if I could, I'd pay money to see them because they were one of my favourite acts. He was hesitant at first, but in the end, after seeing my determination, both me and the boyfriend got in for free. We saved $45 each! Woohoo!

There was a journalist who came to my university to speak. She was once captured in a foreign country and held in prison. After the guards checked to see that she was indeed a journalist and not a spy, they let her go. There was only one problem, all of her belongings were in her car, which was in an enemy territory. She managed to convince the guards to retrieve all of her things!

If you're reading this, wondering how this blog post applies to you, here are some lessons you can take away:
1. Don't take no for an answer, there is a way around things most of the time.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for more.
3. You can get people to like you and to help you out using charm.

Have fun!

Forgetful Week

First, I forgot to bring my cell phone to school so my friend couldn't call me to tell me she was going to be late.

Second, yesterday, I switched purses and I forgot to put my wallet in my new purse. I ended up not being able to shop. It was embarrassing, I had my stuff all ready to go and the cashier (who was my friend-more embarassing) rang everything up, and I was like "I forgot my wallet". Walk of shame back out the door and pissy mood for the rest of the day.

Today, I remembered my cell phone, I remembered my wallet. I forgot to bring house keys! Me and my mom left at the same time, and she locked the door.

Hopefully next week, I'll have my head screwed on right.

Dear handsome man in late 20s. Stop checking me out, I see your wedding ring. That is disgusting!

Found this really sweet:

Butch Walker on Twitter: Someone next to me just ordered your favorite drink at the coffee shop... Made me smile...

Notes to self:

1. Write more hard news pieces in the next few months. Your portfolio is not the greatest.
2. Have courage.
3. Finish reading "On the Road". It's been a year now. This is getting ridiculous...
4. One day, you'll be doing greater things and all of this won't matter.

Moving to LA

Not yet... but maybe.

I'm scared though. I know that the people are sketchy and I'll get beat up for sure if I wander around at night by myself. Everyone there is tattooed. There are tattoo parlours on every block. It makes me think LA is more hardcore than other cities, which probably it is because celebrities hang out there all the time and we all know that celebrities like to party and snort coke.

It's also expensive to live there, says this guide. $800-$1000 rent? Yeah right, like I can afford that each month. Maybe if I make a special deal with the landlord *wink* *wink*, but probably not.

The reality is probably I'll be stuck with a crummy waitressing job alongside wannabe filmstars instead of working at an internship.

I think I'm better off in NY.
Or maybe Toronto, come to think of it. I'm just sick of this city, need to be somewhere new.

All we ever do is say goodbye

I just saw Love Actually again.
I wasn't aware that I saw it already, but I knew it was familiar when I saw the little boy in the movie. He is adorable.

The movie makes me want to be a couple all over again. It makes me want to hold hands and cuddle under covers and take strolls while snow is falling all around. I want to wear winter jackets and listen to jazz music in shops and walk around downtown and hope everything is perfect and give gifts and eat fancy dinners.

Listening to brand new John Mayer right now. As always, it needs time to grow on me.

I don't think I could be happier at this moment, except for one thing. But it's nice to take a break. I didn't do any work today, just finished my journalism papers, ate breakfast went to sleep again at 12pm, woke up, took a shower, dressed up, went shopping (only bought two CDs for myself). Christmas music is playing in the malls! "Lunch" at 3pm was fried korean dumplings $2 from the Toronto Carts. Shopped at Sporting Life, pretended that I could afford $1000 Prada stuff... yeah right... read magazines in Indigo. Wished I could stay longer, went home and watched Love Actually, and now I'm typing.

I guess I'm not working at the Toronto Star this summer

A Toronto Star internship was something that I was thinking about doing over the summer, but as I read on their requirements: I would have had to have experience working at a daily, which I do not. Also, the deadline to apply is two days from now and that is much too soon to get together references, a coverletter and a resume.

So now the question is: what do I really want to do with my summer?

I think I want to move to New York... :)

Hopefully that works out and I'll be interning at a magazine. I've got a few in mind... ;)

Movie Review: The Prestige

I am going to have to take movie recommendations more seriously after this. This movie was absolutely brilliant. The ending was still sort of sad, but I loved all the tricks. The costumes were amazing, Christian Bale is really sharp...

The story, that is what pulls it all together. Without a good story, you have nothing. I don't even know what to say, The Prestige was absolutely stunning.

Christopher Nolan is really good at what he does, no doubt.

...and I loved that the little girl was named Jess.

This is kinda sad, but...

I think I need someone to chaperone me when I go shopping. Today's purchases were reckless and possibly unnecessary. I bought a black cover-up, but I already have one. They look different of course, but they are interchangable. (If only I bought the tan coloured one that was there a few weeks ago at that time- they were sold out this time)

I'd like to think that I can handle everything myself, that I can be an independent woman, but that is not the case. I need someone to stop me from buying stuff! HELP!

How Scandalous!

This is the story of the female student reporter who went to interview a young campus police officer and left with his personal phone number.

True story.

Notes for guys:

How to get woman to fail head over heels for you:

1. Mention that you are a romantic and that you love romance movies.
2. Say that you wouldn't ever pursue someone just because they're good looking and that you're not in it for sex.

Tips for women if you ever meet a guy like this:

1. Ask him what his favourite romance movie is to see if he's for real.
2. If he seems genuine, ask him for his number.

Done.

My Problems with Porn

Basically, I don't think guys should watch it because they will develop unrealistic expectations and then they will be disappointed when they have sex.

It also makes them feel self-conscious about their endowments below because male porn stars are hired for their size. They're not normal, nope.

Mis-interpreting Christianity

On Wednesday, I went with my church to go see The I-Heart Movie. It's a well-done movie which the trailer doesn't give justice to. I went into the theatre not wanting to be there, wondering "what in the world have I gotten myself into?" Hold on, before you continue reading, if you haven't already, click on the link and watch the trailer.

It's an inspirational Christian movie, and it made me realize a couple of things.
One of them being that I feel that it is harder to say that you are Christian these days, than to admit that you're gay. I find this ironic because it used to be the opposite a few years ago.

Here's why I think this: First of all, when people hear that you're a Christian, they automatically assume that you're all self-righteous and hypocritical, or like a cheesy Ned Flanders, or even a conservative goody-two shoes. They think you've got a disease or something. If you don't believe me, you should hear how a few people at my old workplace talk about Christians.

On the other hand, its easier to be gay these days because of all the media discourse they get about their issues. Gay people are seen as victims of society. Of course, it was different a few years back, but now this is what it is.

Christians are seen as hypocritical because:
1. The Crusades, where lots of innocent (and not so innocent) people were killed through a religious battle by Christians.

However, anyone who is familiar with the Bible will know that killing people is not something Christians are supposed to do. The best I can do to explain the Crusades is that the people in command of the killing sprees weren't influenced by God, but rather a different source. It is tragic that the image of God was distorted by these killers.

2. There are many people out there today that claim they are Christian, but don't live out a life that reflects God. From little things like swearing, to even bigger things like pre-marital sex, non-believers only see hypocrites. Non-believers see Christians sinning and setting bad examples again and again, which leads to Christianity as a whole to seem like a big lie.

Of course, no one is perfect, which is why we need God in the first place. Through our weaknesses, we begin to see his strength. Non-Christians need to see that Christians are just people too, and not judge the religion based on the mistakes Christians make.

3. Sometimes, Christians aren't very loving, but seem more judgmental. The movie, I-Heart, showed a person holding up a sign that said "GOD HATES FAGS", which isn't true. God loves everyone, its just that He created woman to be with man. It says in Leviticus 20:13, "If a man has sex with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is abhorrent". God does not hate "fags", but rather, hates the sin of homosexuality.

Deconstruction of "Bright Lights"

Lyrically, this song contains a lot of wisdom. The lyrics are vague, but you get the gist of the idea. The girlfriend of the lead singer is leaving to pursue an acting career in New York city. It sounds like theatre, because if it were movies, she'd be moving to Hollywood. There's also the line "another alien on Broadway", which could reference a street she's moving to, or the actual stage.

I find it incredible that lead singer Rob Thomas can sum up the story with lines like "took all except my name" and "some things in this world you just can't change, some things you can't see until it gets too late".

The latter is such a general statement, it can apply to everyone- which is the genius of these songs. They are so general and vague that anyone can relate to them, and thus, the popularity of the song grows, because people have a bond over them.

Another thing that draws you in to this song is the emotion in it. The singer wants her to come back. He narrates the story so that the audience has an involvement in it, then repeats "come on home" throughout the song. This leads to the audience being affected by the song if they couldn't relate to it in the first place.

Besides the lyrics and the emotion, another selling point is the actual music itself. It follows the typical verse and then build up to the chorus. Added in is a bonus stunner of a guitar solo. The chord progressions are quite simple, but it lets the strength of the melody and emotion shine through. There is also the melody of the lead guitar in the background which starts somewhere in the middle. It adds a sophisticated polish to the already developed song.

Today's awkwardly funny story in 100 words or less

I have this friend that I know somewhat, we met through a club. I said hi to him once and he didn't recognize me, but he recognized me when I said hi today.

I would like to say that I'm a naturally very friendly person to everyone, but I guess my friend thought I was hitting on him, so he introduced me to his boyfriend.

Yeah... it was pretty awkward. Honestly though, I wasn't hitting on him!

Things I Learned From Don

1. Whining works when you really really want something.
2. Being more considerate.
3. Photography stuff
4. Technology appreciation
5. A different point of view
6. Social cohesion
7. The names of some cars
8. I might be getting a mac (that's pretty big since I've been a PC person my whole life)

I did some math today...

Well not really math. More like organizing my life for the next few years.

It's depressing. I'm going to take 5 years to graduate. At the rate I'm going (4 courses a semester), I'm going to have to take summer school (always so terribly fun...) or accept the fact that I'll graduate in 2013.

In the year 2013, I'll be 22. I'll want to live on my own, go to California, or Australia, or Germany, or England.

I'll need a job and a place of my own. And at 26, I'll want to get married, which gives me roughly 4 years to fool around (less than that, since I'd have to get engaged at 25 or even 24)

I would like 1 year to volunteer and travel the world before I really settle down. And I'd like to live in the above-mentioned cities/countries for at least 6 months to really get to know the places.

Also, I would like to study art in New York (maybe for a year or two or three or a full degree).

And somehow have a career in music, film, event planning, book writing, journalism, art... ...maybe in theatre too.

In between all that, I need to put aside a couple of years to be a good housewife too.

Looking back on all my ambitions though, I think I'll need another life to accomplish all this. Instead of telling everyone to "dream big", maybe there should be sayings that say to over-ambitious people like me that go "don't dream too big, you're only one person" ...something like that because I think I'm going to have a huge break-down somewhere before my second career, but the thing is I can't stop myself from dreaming because that's just the way I am. It's all or nothing. Do it all or die trying.

Good Ole' DC!

Listening to the newest tracks from Dashboard Confessional right now. It's been a long and stressful three weeks. It's nice treat that no matter how stressed you are, no matter how much you change or how much your life has taken a turn for the worse, the band still sounds exactly the same.

It might not be a good thing for the band (in terms of progression), but I like the comforting feeling that some things don't change much.

Tomorrow, I'm going on a walk downtown. A few years ago, the excitement from downtown would have been uncontainable. Just three years ago actually, I was getting to know the downtown Queen Street area. Now, the city seems old to me. It's lost most of its charm-probably from visits that are too frequent. The stores seem style-less and too corporate compared to the "cool" it was for me just three years ago. It's strange how things change so fast. How I'm a different person then and now. How I've met so many different people, gone to university and had a million other new experiences.

It's dawning on me now that 18 still isn't that old and that I have a whole lifetime to become many other persons. I wonder what I'll be like at 36, in another 18 years. Hopefully married and at the top of my career with a child on the way.

I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated", one of his classics, and I have a sudden urge to see the first Spiderman movie again. I want to remember how old I was then, and what my life was like. I suppose I was in middle school...

To the readers: What are a few of your comfort things?

Abrasive Personality Traits

Why am I back here blogging when I'm supposed to be sleeping? Well, the other day, I was at meeting for our campus newspaper. There was this guy that I had never seen before in my life, a rude and cocky, super-annoying guy who was acting like he owned the place. (only later did I find out he was the advertising manager, but still, just because you're in a high place doesn't mean you're allowed to be disrespectful to other people)

So what was it about this guy that pissed me off? First of all, I don't like guys who are cocky and arrogant. I could never be good friends with ANY person who is too full of themselves. Think about it: having a conversation where the other person only says, "I'm the best at this, and the best at that. I have no faults at all, everyone is below me, including you" would be sickening to hear all day. It would get annoying too.

I also think that everyone should know when to stop arguing, trying to prove that they're right. The reason why so many fights start? People don't like to admit they're wrong because it makes them look stupid. And no one likes to look stupid.

But back to the guy who was pissing me off. At first, I thought he was brilliant: who was this new and interesting guy who had so many good ideas for our newspaper?

And then, I think that he sensed that we thought he was super intelligent or something, so he started to get cocky. There was this other guy (a first year!) who had an idea (I admit, it wasn't the best idea), but the cocky interrupted him mid-speech, saying "That will never work!"

How rude is that?!

Just because the cocky guy was a 4th year AND the ad manager doesn't mean you can do that. People who are high up, presidents, CEOs and kings still have manners! (Well maybe not all do, but still)

I was just thinking over this, and it bothered me because I didn't do anything about it at the time. I don't know why. I guess I didn't want him to hate me before he even knew my name.

I wish I could be this really great person with great morals and integrity. Someone who speaks out when something isn't right. What is stopping me? Some sort of sociological barrier? I wish I could have broken through the barrier on that day and said "Let the other guy speak". Something along those lines.

If someone is being a jerk, other people should really not let them get away with it because when they see that they're getting away with it, they'll want to get away with more and that's how we end up with SUPER JERKS and no one likes those.

I loved reading this article today. The topic is just so bizarre and strange, but it speaks out about an issue that doesn't get much coverage: male self-esteem about their packages.

It's a light-hearted investigative piece that provides just enough detail for the readers to imagine the scene.

And I liked the way it was written. The last paragraph is amazing.

Grow up please!

I think it's really low when grown-ups or teenagers make fun of little nine year old girls. I mean, come on, they're nine, they don't know any better.

Take this for example. Ignore the gorgeous shots Annie Leibovitz has taken, and focus your attention on the last few comments. The nine year old has obviously said some things that most of the population wouldn't agree with, but she's only nine- her insights are only limited to what she knows.

What I'm trying to say is: there are ways to express your opinion maturely without making fun of people. Grow up!

A post about tiaras. (This is kind of stupid, but oh well)

I would like to wear a tiara. I don't know when I'd get the opportunity though. You can't just randomly wear a tiara to school. It would look silly if I were dressed normally, and just wearing a tiara, and it's not like I'm going to go in full formal wear to school.

I can't think of any occasion that I could wear a tiara to. If I were to go to a formal event, there'd have to be a justification of why I am wearing a tiara. There would have to be a special reason of why I'm wearing a tiara and the other people in the room aren't. It'd have to be my birthday or something.

Imagine that- organizing a formal, glitzy birthday just for the sake of wearing a tiara. That would be over-the-top.

I was going to get a tiara for prom, and then the nice ones from jewelry stores were too expensive, and the cheap ones from Claires looked just a bit tacky.

I just saw pictures of someone's cousin's wedding on Facebook, and the bride was wearing a tiara. (Which is what sparked the idea for this post) I'm not sure if I'd wear a tiara on my wedding. I kind of reserved my wedding day for wearing a veil. It seems so romantic to me, also there's probably a meaning behind the veil. I love watching the part where the groom lifts the bride's veil after the pastor says, "You may now kiss the bride". It's one of my favourite moments. I like it more than when they slip rings on each other's fingers.

So now that I've figured out that I'm going to wear a veil on my wedding, when am I going to freakin' wear my tiara?

Thanksgiving for Fat People

Right now, I'm at Great Wolf Lodge, a resort in the Niagara region with my little cousins and uncles/aunts. It's a huge indoor water-park. If I had to pick one word to describe this place, it would be "excessive". First of all, the resort is HUGE. There are rooms and rooms and rooms... it just circles around the place. And the rooms aren't a small little deal, they are rather exquisite. Each room has two televisions, two beds, a fire place, a balcony, a couch area, mini fridge, appliances... and are quite nice. The lobby is grand. Huge fireplace, chandelier lights, wooden fixings...Second, the vacationers here have large body proportions as well. They are fat and their children are getting there.

It makes sense though. Lazy people book their vacations here because its relaxing and if you're too lazy, inevitably, you'll become fat. There's a buffet dinner, and only five floors and an elevator if you don't feel like walking. Most people vacationing here remind me of fat Americans.

The environment at the resort is so artificial. Everything is indoors. It could be snowing, the leaves could be changing into the prettiest shades of gold but you wouldn't know from being in this luxurious, over-elaborate resort.

There's a huge water park- it has slides that go outside the building and back inside, they loop everywhere, it goes up and down like a roller coaster, it has machinery to make it go faster (it's not just hydrolics that make the rider go), it's an absolute kid's wonderland. There are two hot tubs, one is indoors, and one is outdoors. There are ample amounts of snack bars in and around the water park with fattening foods like fries, cookies, sweets, fudge, ice-cream, cakes... If I were to compare this water park with Wonderland's waterpark, this one would beat Wonderland in terms of innovative technology and "wow" factors (the slides are really long, with bigger drops and machinery). There is a wave pool, a shallow pool for kids, a playground that is much larger than Wonderland's, an obstacle course in the water where you have to travel across the pool using the rope above the pool and if you lose your balance, you end up in the water...

Oh and if you're bored of the water-park, you can always visit the salon, the spa, the adequately-sized (read pretty big) arcade (with updated games such as Guitar hero), the mini golf course, one of the various eating places, the gigantic candy store.... did I mention that there's a spa for adults and a spa catered for young girls? They can get manicures and pedicures for $25 each. I thought that was a bit crazy because I make my own money and still I wouldn't pay $25 for a manicure or pedicure, yet parents would spoil their little princesses like this?!

And that's why I think this place is just a little excessive. I believe that kids should grow up spending their Thanksgivings hiking outdoors, exploring the wilderness like I once did. This sheltered environment is fun, but a tad materialistic. How can kids appreciate the great outdoors, everything natural- when they are raised in an artificial environment like this?

All By Myself

I want to cover this song. Everytime I watch something impressive by other musicians, I get all inspired and want to do things again, but then somewhere along the path, I lose my spark.

My plan this summer was to get better at guitar and piano. Did it happen? No. My social life and other activities took up all of my time.

Don't get me wrong, I accomplished many things over the summer- a university credit, a sailing certification, learning to drive (sort of), seeing lots of good theatre, travelling to Europe, going to work, etc... etc...

I just never seem to be able to focus on the artistic side of me.

New goal (which has been my goal for years and years but never got accomplished): focus on art (music and visual and photography), focus on reading classic novels, and focus on being cultured in all the classic films (now that I'm working for a video store).

Work and random tangents

So far at work, there are two people that I like working with particularly. The rest are neutral.

I think its easier working here as a girl because there's a sense of competition among the men. Their pride gets in the way about wrong and right and soon people hate each other. Everyone's got opinions. I'm the new girl, so everyone is nice to me, showing me the ropes.

Of everyone, I am one of two girls that work at Rogers Plus besides management, which consists of two women.

Yesterday, a co-worker of mine was watching this TV show on TLC called "I didn't know I was pregnant", which was just horrifying and disgusting. Click here for a Youtube Vid. On that particular episode we watched, a woman didn't know she was pregnant, thought she was constipated and gave birth to her baby in the toliet, which was just gross. My first thought, when I saw the show was "why would anyone want to watch such disgusting and gruesome tv?", but now, I can't stop watching it. I am addicted to watching this horror.

Okay anyway, back to work: another co-worker of mine lives in the same (ghetto) neighbourhood as me, so he gave me a ride home yesterday. I really like working with him because he's been employed there the longest of all the customer representatives and he knows what he's doing. Thus, he does all the harder tasks and I do easy stuff like checking in videos.

He's currently in university for a business program but he hates business and wants to direct movies. I find this so cliche, but I like the fact that he wants to pursue his goal of directing after he graduates. There are too many people stuck in jobs they don't like, yet they don't want to do anything about it, so I admire him for taking this risk.

The other thing I like about work is the location. The area is well-off. One day, I'd like to live there with my future husband and kids. I like watching the parents come in with their children, all happy, without any worry to the amount of money they drop on DVD rentals. Some customers end up spending $30 or more to rent a few movies, which I find ridiculous, yet they don't bat an eyelash when I tell them the amount. Other customers will end up leaving the store paying $100 and over for movies and confection. They don't seem to care. Money is dispensible to them. They are rich.

This is in direct contrast to the student life I've been living, where I rent movies from the library for entertainment and occasionally go out to see movies in theatres. Some of my friends download movies online for free. (illegally *cough* haha... just sayin') Someday, I want to be able to freely spend money on this type of stuff and not worry about being reckless with my wallet. Working in this area reminds me of that goal, that I won't always be working minimum wage jobs, that there is more to strive for, if that makes sense at all.

To my non-existant readers (who never leave comments!): What are your future plans or goals?

Comparing Male Leads

I have been using my employee benefits at Rogers and renting movies. Today, I saw movie #2, an English-version remake of the popular Korean hit, My Sassy Girl. It wasn't bad, but as always, I can't shake the feeling that the original was better just because everything that happened in the English version was anticipated.

I love the two characters in the movie. They're such opposites. The girl is kinda psycho though. However, I like the guy's personality. I see parallels with the guy in this movie and the guy in (500) Days of Summer. Both of them are crazy in love with their dream girl and they're kind of pathetic without her. Pathetic in the sense that they don't know how to have fun by themselves. They would be boring without the girl.

Another of my favourite male leads is Noah Calhoun from the Notebook. He's different from the first two characters that I've mentioned because though his life may be less interesting without his love interest, he still has a life. It might not be a very full life, but Noah is great as a mysterious loner character. I don't know why, but I somehow find that attractive...

It's strange though because he makes a really good father. Usually loners are anti-social (duh!) and do not make good fathers because they lack the social skills in being warm and intimate with other beings, but in the movie, it somehow happens that Noah is a good father since his grown-up kids care for him enough to visit, and not out of obligation.

My other movie crushes:
1. Simba from The Lion King: I think I liked him because he had leadership and fun buddies and because he had spunk as a kid.
2. Captain Li from Mulan: He seems very manly, and he had a good singing voice. (Haha looking back on my movie crushes now, I wonder how delusional and strange I was as a child)
3. James Franco in Spiderman 2. I loved that scene of Kirsten Dunst and him in the kitchen, fooling around.
4. Landon from A Walk to Remember. He was such a sweetie in that movie... not at the beginning of course, but when he dates Jamie.

Of course this list can probably go on for a long time, I like the different characters all for different reasons. It's sad though that no matter what, chick flicks are not real life.

Something to Think About

"Since I was 3 years old, I have been using makeup. I am more than a "makeup junkie", I am an obsessed fiend! I spend my time making youtube makeup tutorials, when I should be doing my homework or going out. Makeup is my life. Its my art."

A quote I found off a contest site where girls submit pictures of themselves with make-up and the winner takes home $1000 worth of make-up.

I get the thrill of make-up. I too like playing up my features or creating a different look on days where I have a different mood.

But does anyone find it ridiculous when girls have been using it since they were toddlers? Shouldn't little girls be playing outdoors instead of trying to be beautiful? Why can't we set better examples of traits that girls should be instead of just "pretty"?

If I ever have a baby girl, I'm going to make sure she grows up to be someone of substance. Someone who is known for being kind and noble instead of "pretty" and "popular". Someone who is known more for her brains than the brands of clothes she wears.

I hope I'm like that in other people's eyes. If not now, you'll begin to see a big change in me soon.

I have a super huge headache, too many assignments and readings to do, and I am now saying goodbye to my social life.

What a nightmare!

Sometimes I see what other people go through, and my life doesn't seem so hard anymore. This really sucks.

Networking Neglect

I went to the media preview of Vanity Fair's Photography exhibit yesterday at the ROM. I was stunned at how well the staff treated us, buffet breakfast at the AGO, a touring of the gallery, then being shuttled off on a double decker bus to the ROM. A viewing of the gallery there, then little hor d'oeuvres for us. The place was decorated spectacularly. I think I was too amazed by the nice treatment, I didn't do something important.

I forgot to network! UGH! Here I am in a room full of people working for the Star, National Post, CBC, The Canadian Press, Metro, Now Magazine... and I didn't talk to them.

I did end up leaving with a business card of the Manager of Tourism Ontario, but honestly... that's just balls. One of my dream jobs is to work for Now Magazine...

I was too intimidated by all the glitz and glamour to talk to anyone. It was at the back of my mind, to talk to people, but... I went with a friend, and we were the youngest ones there. Add to the fact that everyone already seemed to know each other... I guess they see each other at other press conferences often, so they're already buddies.

Secret Plan:

I'm going to finish all of my assignments/ readings to the best of my ability during next week and the week after that and soon I will be free again!

My Waterloo Weekend

Honest promise: tomorrow is my full working day. I will complete all the assignments that I didn't complete this weekend because I was in Waterloo.

Originally, I had brought my laptop so that I could finish some assignments that were all due this week. Guess what? Not only did I not touch any of them this whole weekend, I actually used that computer for gaming. GG right?

Another thing I realized this past weekend was that I actually wouldn't mind being a housewife. It's fun to cook for people. I keep hearing stories about housewives who become extremely sufficient chefs from doing nothing but cooking all day, who later start their own restaurants or catering services. In fact, my friend's mom started a baking service.

The downside of being a housewife of course would be the chores such as cleaning up after people, or vaccumming or doing laundry or dishes. I have to admit though, housewifing is easier than going to university, which is probably why I liked cooking this weekend, since it gave me an excuse to not do school work.

Perspectives

There was this woman I knew who was in my class last semester. We worked on projects together, and I knew she was an older student. I'd guess that she was in her mid-thirties?

Today, I read a feature in the school paper, and she was one of the people interviewed for it. Turns out she has a 13 year old kid. Isn't that crazy? I was just 5 years older than her child and I remember being the one organizing the meetings and telling everyone what to do. We met a couple of times to do the project, but we never talked about personal lives.

It's crazy how everyone has different lives that we don't know about behind the label of "student".

Other Things I want to do:

1. Have a cookie baking weekend. I can't seem to remember the last time I made cookies. The last time I ever baked was back in grade 12 when my cupcakes were needed in a fundraiser. Lately, I haven't done anything for myself. Well I have. But I haven't done anything for myself independently.

Then again, baking cookies is more fun with a friend or two. Too bad all my friends that bake are in different towns right now.

Excited about life again!

Today was the first day that I worked as a Rogers Plus employee. It's not bad. I'm really excited about the free video rentals. There are rows and rows of movies and television series. This winter, I'm probably going to be a hermit and catch up on all the movies I didn't watch. See ya all in the spring!

Other things I want to do sometime: sew a dress.

Proof that I have been away from my T.V. set for too long!

I completely missed watching the VMAs today. I didn't even know it was going on until all the Facebook statuses were commenting on the performances. It's a shame, I would have loved watching it.

This is one of my favourite VMA performances. Back in the day, when Usher was big. I'm sad he hasn't made his comeback yet.


I'm slightly disappointed that I'm so caught up in my career and life that I don't even have time to turn on the T.V. or watch a movie. But at least I saw a concert for fun recently. Anyway, I guess this is crunch time. Today, I'm seeing a concert, but it's not for fun. I have to document it and write about it. Oh stress...

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

I was chosen to be a features writer. On top of homework and other things, now I have to produce a 2000 word article about an exhibit at the ROM. I'm not sure if I can do this, and I feel scared. Writer's block doesn't often happen to me, but I honestly don't know if I can even find so much to write about something I don't have much knowledge in. There's alot of history going on in what I have to cover. I can only hope I find the words to fill up the word count and produce a quality article.

Back to School Blog

Today was the last day of summer. I am not pleased. It was a nice way to end though. I saw Ingrid Michaelson and she was worth every penny I paid to go see her. She is one funny and witty girl. I wish I could be funnier and wittier now. But you know, we are who we are.

If I were a guy, I would totally go nuts for this chick.

Anyway, I'm excited for the school year. I've already planned out what I want to do beside school. Hopefully it all works out. I have quite a full plate. Acting, writing for the Underground, photographing for the Varsity, hopefully writing and photographing for blogTo, probably making coffees for Starbucks or if I'm lucky, Rogers Video still wants me. And then there's always school, my art, my guitar, friends and one boyfriend to balance it all out.

Sometimes, I fear that I might burn out and fade away. Does anyone else feel like this too or is it just me?

Small Writings

Tomorrow is my last day of summer. I already have plans for what I want to do next summer. But before we get ahead of ourselves, tomorrow, I am going all out. I am going to try to cram as much fun into a single day as humanly possible. It's going to be like my birthday combined with Christmas.

Today was the last day of sailing. It's nice to have closure and say goodbye to everyone, but I know I'm going to miss it all.

Jumping for Joy!

Gosh I am so excited about being in Journalism. I just got off the phone with the manager of the Bloor Cinema. I love how everyone has their own little stories to tell the world. I love how I get to meet so many different people through networking and interviews.

I hope I can still be this excited 10 years from now.

Thoughts after seeing West Side Story today:

Guys who can dance are dreamy...

Biking Observations

Recently, I became confident in my abilities of biking with traffic, so I've been biking to different destinations that are close to me.

I've noticed that when I encounter other bikers, they smile at me, sort of like they're saying "good on you, you're keeping fit and helping the environment!"

I like the biking community so far. Everyone shares a bond because together, we're all fighting for more bike lanes, we deal with rude drivers, we share biking tips. We unite under the oppression from the rest of society.

It's also nice to watch people get on and off busses, wait for busses, because you know that you have it better. Biking is free, you don't have to wait for busses, you keep fit, and there is never a chance where someone with bad body odour sits next to you.

So what if I'm significantly slower than busses? I'm in no rush to speed through life. I enjoy the laid-back atmosphere of merrily cruising along. I'm satisfied that I'm not feeding money into the TTC: a corporation that is occasionally rude to me when I ride their busses, paying their overpriced fares.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

Comparing pros and cons

It's not as easy as it seems to get a job at Starbucks as I once thought. You have two interviews. Both are really easy though. But then again, I think I lucked out since both interviewers liked me from the beginning. The first interview was harder than the second one actually, probably because the second interviewer was closer to my age. It was more like a conversation really.

Somehow, we got to talking about the multiculturalness of Toronto, and then I mentioned Indian food, and she said she liked spicy food, so I told her about the Hot and Spicy Food Festival that was going on this weekend at the Harbourfront.

Originally, I liked the Rogers job more, but since they haven't called back like they said they would, I think I might just go for Starbucks. The co-workers are nice, and I get free coffee every week. I'm sure my mom would love for me to work at Starbucks, same with all my friends who drink coffee since I don't really drink it myself. I'm scared of a dependance on coffee. The last thing I want is to be wired on coffee.

Starbucks offers full healthcare plans even for part-time workers, and the pay is better than Rogers, even though you wouldn't think so.

The best benefit of Rogers though, is the free movie rentals. I love movies but I cannot afford to always rent. I suppose the library could help me out, but then again, so many movies aren't avaliable at the library.

I wonder if I can somehow get both jobs and keep them.

Cons of working at Rogers would be: 1. I'd have to learn the different functions of cell phones and the different plans, and I'd have to do that on my own time, unpaid. 2. I'd have to sell things to customers, and I know that I hate pressuring customers to buy things. 3. Minimum wage. 4. Standing on feet for hours and hours.

Cons of working at Starbucks: 1. Standing on feet for hours and hours. 2. Grouchy customers who haven't had their coffee in the morning. 3. Waking up at 5am! I think that's crazy! I'm also in journalism, so I stay up until 4am sometimes to finish articles, which means 1 hour of sleep?! 4. Breathing in too much coffee air. 5. I don't know if I want to spend my life making coffee.

Data Management for Fun

Today, I was with a bunch of friends. When someone had to leave, this math equation popped into my head. (I know, I'm a nerd)

If there are 10 friends, and each friend has to hug everyone else, how many hugs have taken place?

I've learned to solve these types of questions in high school, but I seem to have forgotten how to now.

At a Standstill.

This city is too small. I keep running into people on public transit, softball parks, at work.

I'm worried that one day, someone will say hi to me and I won't recognize them at all.

I think it's time to move. I've become too familiar with this place.

I want to work hard in a new city, to build up a reputation again. I want to see new faces and meet wacky new people.

I just wanted to say...

Thank goodness for best friends! And the good advice they give, and the reassured feeling you get after they calm you down when you feel like the world is coming to an end.

On the Job Hunt:

One interview down, one more to go.

Today, during my interview, I discovered that I really like doing interviews. I wonder if there's a job out there that requires you to answer questions and just talk. I suppose Journalism is the closest thing out there to that description.

Being a spokesperson for some company wouldn't be so bad either. I would have to really like the company though. It would suck being stuck with some company that you hate where you have to pretend to like the company. Especially if the company endorses slave-labour and everything I don't like.

I was really skeptical about getting a job at Starbucks. The manager really liked me but something in my head told me that I didn't want to spend 15 hours of my week breathing in coffee air, making people's frappacinos. The location I applied to was really busy, so I could tell it wouldn't be a chill place to work like I had anticipated. Also, I don't like the capitalist image that comes with Starbucks. It's also against my brand-free lifestyle.

When I went in for the interview, the manager offered me a free drink. I picked hot chocolate because it's comforting to me. I wonder if he offers free drinks to all the interviewees and then analyzes them on what drink they pick. I should have asked him that. Damn.

Tomorrow, is my interview with Rogers Plus. I really want this one. I hope they don't ask me questions about technology or detailed questions about movies. This interview should be harder than today's interview.

Today's interview at Starbucks consisted of: How do you feel about uniforms? and Describe the relationships you have with your co-workers. Basically, if you don't have personality disfunctions, you can be hired at Starbucks.

I don't understand this world...

Society doesn't like hair in one place (for girls) ie: leg hair, arm hair, arm pit hair.

But we like to have smooth, silky, strong hair on our heads.

Why can't we just pick one option and stick to it? Personally, I'm all for hair. It keeps me warm and the strands on my head make sure my scalp isn't sunburnt.

Updates

I hate my job as of today.

In other news, Eddie Vedder is a superstar.

Today's Top Story! Ed. 2

Some guy who was on a boat fell off his boat during the thunder storm today and he swam up onto the shores of the Molson Amphitheatre, where I work.

He was barefoot and just chilling with us in the ladies changeroom, trying to find out where his friends on the boat were.

I hope no one died. But if someone did, I could say I was at the scene of breaking news. I think that's pretty cool.

...not the fact that people could have died. I just like being where exciting things are happening. I guess that's why I chose to be a journalist.

Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be re-writing this article right now. I should get to it.

Everyone, go see (500) Days of Summer

Honestly, the best movie I've seen in a while. I could rave about this movie for a lifetime.

1. Excellent pacing of the movie. It didn't move too fast or too slow. I was completely in the moment of each scene. The director, Marc Webb, made his point with a couple of short scenes, yet the long scenes were perfect as well because it brought the viewer into the characters' worlds so that we could feel the emotion and tension. It was a movie that didn't drag out, and wasn't too fast. I never wanted the movie to end!
2. Excellent acting. Both of the actors really charm the camera. They were very convincing. I just fell in love with both of them, even though one of them is a girl and I'm straight.
3. Cinematography was stellar. Colours went well together, angles were gorgeous, there were various effects sometimes, which I loved. The feel of the movie is so indie, yet perfectly refined.
4. I don't want to ruin it for you if you haven't watched it (spoiler), but the dance scene made me smile. It was too cute!
5. The movie was original, it was funny, it wasn't something we've seen before, yet we're all familiar with the boy meets girl plot.
6. The story, the characters, everything was brilliant. I liked their witty dialogue, the humour, and how the movie was so fun. The irony at the end was fantastic.
7. I cannot believe that this movie is one of the first big projects for the director and the writers. May their careers be blessed with more of these masterful creations!

Wonderland Wonderings

Tomorrow is wonderland. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should go on the Behemoth. I am terrified. My younger cousins, who are 12 years old have gone on it.

Roller coasters are not natural. Why on earth would you strap yourself to a metal contraption that does nothing but scare the crap out of you? Roller coasters aren't good for you either. Think of your insides, and about inbalancing your inner ear- which causes you to puke. Think of feeling nauseated, and all the fluids in your brain swirling because of the fast kinetic motion of a roller coaster. Just think of the unnecessary pressure you are putting on your body because you want to experience the "thrill".

On the other hand, I would totally go on the Behemoth just so I could say I went on it. I mean, I wouldn't show off about it. But I'd like to do for the scars and stories.

Well, we'll see if I chicken out tomorrow or get a lick of courage...

My Jason Mraz Obsession

I just came back from a Jason Mraz concert and I am so pumped! I am so inspired. I want to write pages and pages of lyrics now. I want to write songs until my hand can write no more. I want to travel the world, meet people, share stories and share music. I want to love freely.

He said to the audience today, "Leave this place better than you found it. Leave people better than when you first met them."

I think that's amazing. I like his positivity and his laid-back vibes. I like how he can influence his whole audience with his energy. He definitely makes a good impact on the world. I like how he doesn't care about the fame or material things. He wore a simple white t-shirt on stage tonight. It was beautiful. He's rich and famous and yet he's stuck to his roots. Amazing.

I love his tunes and his philosophies. I love how he's able to inspire me and how it seems like every person in the audience was connected to one another when he was on stage. It's hard to describe, but if you were there, you felt it.

Your view on yourself:You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

I am not a shopaholic but...

There is a certain thrill to winning bids on Ebay items! Especially if you get a good deal. I fear an oncoming Ebay addiction...

Tired

I haven't written here in a long while. Too busy. Work. Summer camp. Camping. Sailing. Most nights I get home at 12pm now.

I just came back from a rain-filled Blink 182 concert. It was cool. Ugh I'm going to stop writing right now because I clearly can't write at 1am in the morning. These aren't even paragraphs, they're just random sentences bunched together to look like paragraphs.

Carpel Tunnel Syndrome Anyone?

Today, I realized that Chinese teapots are totally not ergonomic. Just before a traditional Chinese dinner with my gramps, I had a tetanus shot, which made me weak in the arm.

You know how it's polite to pour tea for your elders? Well I tried to do that, but I completely failed, as I lifted the teapot with my weak arm, and made a huge wet spot on the table cloth.

With non-ergonomic teapots and chopsticks, I'm surprised that not all old Chinese people have arthritis.

Guys and their eyebrows

I just saw an old friend that I haven't seen for a year. He's one of those guys that take really good care of themselves. He was going clubbing and when I got within talking distance of him, I noticed that his eyebrows were waxed so that he had perfect eyebrows. Not a stray hair in sight. He looked sharp. Fitted shirt, styled hair, bling in both ears...

But besides all that, I'm just wondering if it's normal for guys to have waxed eyebrows. What do you guys think?

Work

I'm going to work today for the first time in about a million years! ...kidding, its more like a month.

One of the things I don't like about work is how we all have to wear uniforms. I feel as if I can't express myself- which is why I usually express myself with make-up!

Today, at work, the concert is Depeche Mode, which is sort of progressive rock.

I think I will go with my goth girl-inspired make-up today. If the boss asks, I'll say I was trying to appeal to our customers. :)

You're the lesson I never learned

Currently, I have a bad sunburn so I rented the first season of Dawson's Creek to keep me company this week.

It's a great series. It's one of those tv shows that you have to watch before you mentally mature, ie get a real job. I already feel too old to watch it. It's about high school sophomores, and I finished high school a year ago. But I like watching it because it keeps the reality out of my head- the fact that this summer is probably going to be the last summer where I'll get to relax and have fun with all my friends. I'm currently in my second quarter-life crisis. Help!

Another reason I like watching is because the show has good music from a decade ago. Lately, I've been pissed off at mainstream pop music because it sounds too overproduced. Prove me wrong and name a female singer songwriter who's on the radio right now and doesn't sound like a dozen synthesizers put together.

Do the things that scare you the most!

A few weeks ago, I finished reading Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters. The book was entertaining, and filled with really messed up characters (like his other books), but the thing that stuck with me most is the message of "Do the things that scare you the most".

After thinking about it, I decided that it was sound advice. The only way to get rid of your fears is to embrace them. In V for Vendetta, Natalie Portman's character wasn't afraid of anything by the end of the movie because of all the suffering she went through; her hair was shaved, she was locked in a jail cell, she had to endure torture...

Okay so I'm not stupid, and I won't be listing my fears publicly on my blog, but I will name one of them: watching horror flicks. Another one is my fear of jumping off of high things like tall diving boards or sky diving.

Today, I am going to get over my fear of horror movies by watching one with someone else who is equally scared of scary movies (maybe even more?). Sometime this summer, I might go bungee jumping at Wonderland. Key word is *might*.

I propose a goal for everyone who reads this blog: go do something that scares you! Go with tiny baby steps, and soon you'll be fine with it.

One of my goals is to get rid of all my fears and be brave and fearless and totally self-reliant.

Pros and Cons of Dating an Artist

Over this week and last week, I met a variety of guys, and throughout this week, I will be discussing the pros and cons of each "type".

I was in Kensington Market last week, and I met this artsy guy. He was cute and scruffy, just the way I like them. There are refined-looking artists, and those ones seem stuck-up to me, which is why I like the scruffy-looking ones. The scruffy ones know where the hot new things are happening, and they're really down with culture.

The guy I met, he was working in his store, which sold hand-printed t-shirts, and the cool part about him is that he lives above his store, right in Kensington Market.

Pros
-he can take you to the coolest parties
-up to date with the hottest scenes
-has an artistic soul (probably not shallow...actually, I don't know, it could swing both ways)
-fashionable
-makes art!
-appreciates culture and art
-probably laid-back

Cons
-depending on the guy, he probably gets from little to lots of action from the ladies (artists are just that sexy), which means he might have diseases (you never know), it's also not cool to date male sluts :(
-may or may not be pretentious about his art
-possibly smokes illegal substances and other things
-possibly does sketchy things (artists aren't usually the most conforming members of society)
-probably does not have a dependable source of income
-may have a negative attitude about life in general (tortured artist)

With artsy types, you have to be picky and choosy. When I was in high school, many people who were in my art class previously didn't have an interest in art in other grades, but ended up in my class because they figured they could get a good mark in it. What I'm saying is: sometimes, you'll end up with someone that's wack, and other times, you'll get lucky with the next Picasso- a visionary that also happened to be extremely romantic (he had it made with the ladies).

Pros and Cons of Dating a Nerd

This isn't based on anyone, I just like making lists and comparing things. This list is based on stereotypes, and nerds can range from being the academic nerd (the kind with the glasses that studies all day) to the geek (the videogame/computer game player), to the dork (comic book fan), and lastly, the techie (into electronics).

Pros
-no competition from other girls; it's likely that nerds don't have much game
-most likely not a slut (again with the nerds don't have much game)
-most likely not into drugs
-will treat you nicely because he knows he doesn't get alot of game and doesn't want to lose you
-most likely responsible and will typically grow up to have a nice job which can support a family

Cons
-competition from videogames, electronics, computer games, comic conventions, school
-social skills not as well developed as the average joe
-may or may not speak weirdly (ie: noob, leet... um yeah that's all that I know of nerd language)
-most likely does not have a toned body (unless he's Neo from The Matrix...drool...), this also means that he's not fit, which also means that he's liable to get health problems in the future. Do you really want to be with a guy who has health problems? Think about it.

In conclusion, it depends on what type of nerd he is, and the degree to which he is nerdy. For example, it's not so bad to be dating a techie nerd because then all your electronic gear is taken care of.

Academic nerds, however, are probably the best kind of nerd because it means he has high standards for himself, and that he's intelligent, which means he has good genes which will be passed on to your children (assuming things get that far). Academic nerds can also provide for a family because they will likely get good jobs.

On the other hand, if you're not an avid gamer yourself and you're stuck with the videogame/computer game geek, GG.

All Play, No Work!!!

Life is good. Social life is thriving, but I haven't been going to work and I haven't been working on anything else either.

A wise person once told me that I shouldn't do any work now because when I grow up (aka get a real job), there won't be any summers, it's just work all year round.

Regardless, I still can't shake the guilty feelings that I'm not getting anything done.

Last summer was exactly the same, I was out enjoying myself and suddenly summer was over without me accomplishing anything at all.

Standards

I remember when I was about 7 years old, the Backstreet Boys were really popular. I wasn't exactly a big fan of BSB back then because if you claimed you liked them, your 7 year old friends would go "ooooh", and they'd tease you. I just stuck to saying "I like their music, but I don't like them", that was safer. Besides, it was cooler to like Spice Girls back then.

There was this one day when I was at summer camp, and their song "As Long as You Love Me" was playing while everyone was in the swimming pool. Me and one of my summer camp friends were laughing about the lyrics. Even though we were only 7, we knew that the lyrics were flawed.

The line "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me" is supposed to come off as romantic, but it actually sounds desperate.

We were laughing at how the Backstreet Boys seemingly had no standards, as they could have been dating criminal outlaws, druggies, old grannies, stalkers, gay men, or even rapists (Yes female rapists exist! Watch out, boys!).

I know now that that line is a marketing technique designed to make every teenage girl fan think that they had a shot at dating a Backstreet Boy (Nick anyone? ;P), but back then even as a little girl, I knew that I wouldn't settle for just anyone.

Having been brought up by Disney movies and Sailor Moon (Tuxedo Mask... swoon*), all of us girls had images of perfect love and living happily ever after. Of course, reality kicks in sooner or later, but I prefer to remain optimistic.

I believe that there is a guy out there that can make me completely happy. And I am waiting for him.

Go date all the criminals you want, BSB; I'm waiting for something better.

The Dedication Post

This entry is dedicated to all my silent stalkers, you know who you are. (You're reading this right now!) Leave a comment sometime and show me some love. ;)

Hi Derrick!

Free Fun

While in Europe, I bought a new wallet. It's a typical guy wallet, black leather, and it fits in my pocket. I like it because since it fits in my pocket, some days, I don't have to carry a purse when I go out. I can just be like a guy and walk around with my stuff in my pockets, travel light, be free!

It's strange, but I think I have a wallet-buying obsession. I change wallets almost every half-year. Perhaps subconciously, I think that if I have a nice looking wallet, I won't want to empty it so fast.

Today, I only spent money on food, so I think my new wallet is working so far in preventing me from consumerism.

Outline of today's events: Breakfast with Don, walk to Jazzfest, attend Jazzfest, walk around, go home, go to softball practice. Had a great day, and I didn't even need to spend money except for Breakfast. I love free festivals!

The rest of the summer is going to be me trying to save money because I've already spent enough on concert tickets, clothes, and going out.

My plan is, if I don't spend money, I won't have to go to work to earn money, therefore I can spend more time having (free or relatively cheap) fun.

Back, and Better Than Ever!

I have decided that I am going to actively try to fit as much fun as possible into my remaining two months of summer since I've been gone for what seems like eternity.

Fringe Fest
Summerlicious
Jazz Fest
Beach
Harbourfront
Bloor Cinema
Jason Mraz
Blink 182

...plus lots of random get togethers :)

Stubborness

So the thing about guys is that when you ask them to help you solve a problem, they'll keep trying and trying even if the problem is beyond them. This can be a good or bad thing.

For example, a typical male stereotype is trying to find directions. No matter how lost the guy is, he won't ask for help or let someone else take over. It's something about saving face, because if he asks for directions, in his mind, he has failed. Now this is quite stupid because its so much simpler and more time efficient if he just asks for help.

But the persistence of males is a good thing too sometimes. My mom was having trouble opening her bottle of alcohol tonight and some guy tried to help her. He tried to open it by running the lid under water, then using a towel, then trying to pick it open with a knife... to no avail.

So then after about 10 minutes, his friend, who happens to be an engineer, pops by and opens it in about a minute.

The original guy probably would probably still be there if his friend didn't happen to show up.

What I'm trying to say is: a good part to this persistance is that eventually, the problem will be solved. Any problem.

Almost Home!

I'm in Krakow, Poland right now and I'm coming home in two days!

I am tired of hearing accented English. Who would have thought? I thought they were so charming a few days ago.

Budapest: Day Two

So many cute guys here in Budapest! I just don't know what I'd do if I actually lived here.

It's as if they said "if you're not good-looking, you're not allowed in this country..."

...which is exactly the way I feel. I feel as if I am on the wrong side of the planet. The rest of my world is in Toronto, whereas I'm separated on the opposite sphere.

So many cute boys here in Budapest, but I miss my own cute boy from Toronto...

I am severely homesick.

Project Happy

Now that half of my summer is gone, I thought it would be useful to write a list of time management tactics so that I can use the rest of my summer to achieve the maximum potential of happiness. Here is my list if you want to try it out: P.S. I am open to suggestions if you have any!

1. Go to bed early so you can wake up early. The earlier you get up, the more sunshine you will see. It is scientifically proven that sunlight will activate your endorphins, which is the hormone responsible for making you happy.

2. Don't eat anything you don't like eating or isn't healthy. Why bother eating anything that is just going to be dead calories? But of course, make sure that your diet is nutritious and balanced in the first place.

3. Don't attend any event that you think won't be fun. Instead, use the time doing something that you know will be fun. (I know this one seems obvious, but there are so many times when I'm out doing something that is supposedly fun, but it just turns out that the "fun" activity is just overrated)

4. Have at least 1 hour a day where you can have alone time to reflect about life, or do solo activities. Because it's nice to slow things down every now and then. And it's also a good habit to learn to be happy independently.

5. Actively try to make anything you do fun. This includes chores or summer jobs. Because every minute you're using, whether at work or at play is still a minute out of your summer vacation, therefore, it is precious time.

6. Try to live in the moment and not think too much about the future. (I'm still working on this one, I tend to think too much)

7. Do not hang out with anyone who you do not want to hang out with. Time is of essence, so if there are people who you need to cut out of your life, do it now! Do not hang out with people who have negative energy because it is unlikely that they can contribute to Project Happy.

8. Exercise! It keeps you fit and also sends endorphins to your brain, which also makes you happy. Thanks Derrick!

This list is unfinished, but if you can think of more suggestions, let me know! I might just add it to the list.

The troops are moving out!

"Troops" meaning us. We're going to Budapest today on a train.

My head's been playing a line from John Mayer's song "Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again" for basically the whole day.

I am dying to get home. I want to waste a few hours just lying on my bed doing nothing but listening to music.

Bratislava: Day One

I think I like this city more than I like the other cities even though so far, its been raining the whole time.

I like the fact that my hotel has a t.v. so I can check out what's hot in the music scene in Europe. That's how I discovered Muse and Placebo; two bands that aren't on rotation in the mainstream in North America, but are big in Europe.

If I were musician, I'd like to be big in Europe because its so easy to tour. Countries are so close to each other, you can drive and be in the next big town in about an hour. In Canada, because of the praires, big cities are far away from each other.

I also discovered some German words that have made appearances in music. For example, "Achtung" means warning, and the band U2, used the word on their album, naming it "Achtung Baby".

One of my favourite bands, Anberlin, has a song called "Autobahn", and I saw the word "Einbahn" a few times on street signs. I also noticed that the singer, Stephen Christian was wearing a European style coat last winter when I met him, so clearly he likes Europe too.

I think one day, I will learn German and Italian and French. Then I can move to Europe and live there for a while. I plan on living in England, Australia, California, Italy, Germany, France, and maybe New York before I settle down in Toronto. I want to raise my kids in Toronto because it's such a multicultural city and I want my kids to be cultured and accepting of different cultures. (Although I read somewhere that Finnish children are smarter because their education system is much better)

ah mich liebe!

I'm learning some German words, which is pretty cool. And I'm learning to type on their German keyboard too which is awesome.

One day, I shall live here in Austria, as well as Germany.

Today, I stood at an opera for around three hours. We watched Aida. It was pretty good, but I still prefer my Toronto theatre because I can understand the whole thing. So the embarassing part about today was that almost everyone at the opera was dressed in semi-formal, while me and my mom were causally dressed. I was in a t-shirt and not-so-ripped-jeans, and flip flops. Oops.

Can't wait to get back to Toronto! Fringe Festival, here I come!!!

P.S. German boys have the cutest accents! They aren't bad-looking either ;)

Europe

In Vienna now. The internet is not free here, so I'll try to type as fast as I can. Yesterday, we left Prague on a train, and now we're here in the new hostel.

I have made the decision that I am not going to travel through Europe ever again in a rushed manner. And if I do travel, it'll be at least 4 days in each city. I feel as if this is going by too fast and its a rush to get to all the tourist sites, where we'll take a picture and then leave. There seems to be little meaning in this kind of quick-paced traveling. We're always in a rush to get somewhere, and that takes the fun out of traveling. At the end of the day, I'm tired and unsatisfied because we haven't seen everything we wanted to see.

I am going to live in Europe one day, which will give me the time to travel in a more fun and relaxed way.

In the perfect scenario, I'll live here with a friend, so I won't be lonely, but I'll have plenty of time to see the city. We'll live here because of schooling or a job or something.

Did not sleep at all on the train yesterday so now I'm drugged up with caffeine. I do hope I survive through today without falling asleep on some random person's shoulder. There are a lot of sketchy men everywhere.

Prague Day 4:

Hot Guys Sightings: 8. (I'm thinking of taking pictures, but I don't know if I can pull it off) I could pretend to be taking a picture of a building behind them. I'm not sure if so much effort is worth it though. (My girl friends were telling me to take pictures... honestly, not my own idea!)

We're leaving for Vienna tonight, in a few hours actually. I'm not sure when I'll get internet next, so this may be the last post from me for a few days.

Awkward Moment of the Day: (let's see if I can avoid this one) My mom is reading her guidebook that tells you what you should do in Vienna, and the book says to go to a club at night, so now she is thinking of going to a club. I'm not even sure she knows what a club is. But how awkward would it be if old grimy men started hitting on my mom? And it sure is weird going clubbing with your mother. I'm going to fake exhaustion to get out of this. Hope it works and wish me luck!

I miss Toronto very much already. See you all in a week and a few!

Prague: Day 3

Hot Guy Sightings: 13!

But then again, I really tried to look out for them today since yesterday's total was a disappointing number.

I have thought of a new theory as to why the gorgeous babes here mostly only date ugly guys. It's probably because the good-looking ones are so attractive, the women would worry if they were being cheated on.

I think this is a much better theory than the theory I provided yesterday.

Today's schedule: walked around aimlessly trying to look for this store (but didn't end up finding it) I saw someone holding the bag for the store the first day I got here, so I know they have a location here in Prague. And then I attended an opera by Mozart. Picture a woodwind trio and a man and woman singing opera. It's definitely different from the rock concerts I'm used to back in Toronto.

I'm trying to absorb the culture here, and it seems like its alot of smoking and beer. To be honest, I don't like either.

I also should have brought my Kafka book, because this is the right atmosphere to read Kafka in, since he was born here, and everyone celebrates him here. But for some reason, I didn't think that Kafka was from Czech. I thought he was German.

The book I brought with me instead was Life of Pi, which is a story based in India. So here I am, in Europe, reading a book about life in India. How brilliant.

Outrageous moment of the day: I saw a male thong selling in a regular store. (not even a sex shop, just a regular store!!!)

From Prague with Love

Today is my second day in Prague. The first day was basically a flop. We arrived from the Airport at around 8am, but I was all jet-lagged, so I fell asleep at the hostel until it was time to get up, which was 12pm, for our walking tour.

It was on this three hour walking tour where I discovered why Europeans are so thin and fit. Our walking tour traveled at quite the pace. Back in Toronto, anyone who's been on a shopping trip with me usually runs out of breath after two hours or so. But here in Prague, I was the one that was gasping for air.

On the bright side, from all this extreme walking (up hills, down hills- everywhere) when I get back home, I'll have superb stamina. The first day we got to our hostel, with our luggage, we had to walk eight flights of stairs pulling our heavy bags with us to get to our room because they didn't have an elevator (since this is an old building).

Seriously though, I haven't seen a single fat person here under the age of 30 (except for tourists).

Today, we walked around, went shopping, and I didn't buy a single thing. I saw a beautiful white dress, but they didn't have my size. It's a shame too, because I tried on the same dress in my size in this hideous orange colour, and it fit perfectly.

Speaking of hideous...

I'm talking to Don right now on msn and he asked me what was cool in Prague, and I noticed that they had lots of speedos in the shops here. So I asked him what would happen if I brought him back a speedo and he said he wouldn't wear it.

Another thing that's hot for guys over here are man purses.

2 weeks later:
"Hey Don, I brought you back a man purse!"
Don shifts uncomfortably. "Errr... thanks..."
"I hope you use it! Because if you don't it means you don't love me."

...kidding!

I'm not actually that mean.

Jessica's Hot Guy Sightings:
I saw one hot guy today. And one cute guy. Europeans here may have nice builds, but their faces...

However, I did notice there are many gorgeous ladies. They all dress so pretty- in dresses and heels. How they walk on cobblestone in heels, I don't understand.

Another thing I noticed was that there are many couples where the girl is disproportionally more attractive than the guy. And that all the cute guys I saw were single.

This leads me to the conclusion that most cute men in Europe are gay. And only ugly men are worth dating. (There's probably something wrong with that conclusion, but I'm not really thinking properly right now, which explains it)

We went to a jazz restaurant for dinner and my mom thought cocktails were alcohol-free, so she let me order one :)

Almost gone.

In about 17 hours, I will be on an airplane, heading towards banishment paradise, aka Prague. I call it banishment because I will be kept away from Toronto, where all my friends are, and where all the cool stuff is happening, but it's also paradise because it means I get to disappear for about two weeks and not know what's going on.

It's like a mental break from regular life. After my trip, when I arrive back at the Canadian airport, that's my favourite part of the trip (always) because I'm back to familiarity, and I've got stories to tell, and my own bed to sleep in, and Toronto food, and I'm back in the city- a place I call home.

As of right now, 17 hours before my trip, I haven't even finished packing yet. I'm sort of an extreme procrastinator, but I was kind of held up because of studying for my exam, which is thankfully over! I wish I could bring my laptop to Europe so I could update my blog and keep in touch with people, but my mom said that only very nerdy people bring computers on vacations.

Actually she didn't say that, but she implied that it wasn't normal to bring laptops on trips unless you had a valid reason to use it, other than updating your blog. Good thing they have internet cafes in Europe.

Talk to you guys soon! I have to finish packing.

Surprises!

In about 15 minutes, I'll be heading over to a married couple's 25th surprise anniversary.

I can't remember the last time I was surprised by someone or something. I don't even know if I take surprises well, it's been that long. It's getting to a point where I'm feeling unloved because I've never been lovingly surprised. But I know it's not true.

Don was going to surprise me a few months back by showing up to my house, but I kind of ruined the surprise because I got too suspicious. He kept asking me to stay in my house and I was like "wtf???", so I eventually figured out something was up.

I suppose I've been too cautious to be surprised fully. Maybe I should dumb down? Or not be so suspicious... Back in High school, I could even anticipate pop quizzes! Perhaps I plan too much. I think I'm going to try to live differently, by not looking into the future as much. But I'm still going to expect the worst, so I can avoid disasters happening to me. Don't want bad surprises...

I was reading these horrifying Fmylife stories, in one, this girl was going to tan nude, and then she walked out naked to her surprise party. That would probably suck. Don't want that to happen to me.

I like being spontaneous, and I think I might like surprises. Lately, everything that's happened in my life, I had expected would happen. I'd love it if I were suddenly surprised with concert tickets to Our Lady Peace (which isn't even playing in Toronto). Too bad, that's only my wishful dreaming :(

Okay, I'm not going to be choosy over what I'm surprised with. I just want to be able to jaw drop for real and get super excited about something. Anything.