Love

There is so much I should be writing. After everything I experienced here at Urbana afterall. I need time to figure things out, after that, things should be clearer.

No regrets, just a new path to start.

Things I find adorable in boys

I think it's really cute when a guy covers his eyes when knocking on your hotel room because he's afraid someone might be naked.

Books

Reading "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho.

I have decided that I want to read all his books, and all of Chuck Palahnuik's books as well. There aren't that many, at most 20 in total?

It's crazy because the girl in the book is me, minus the suicidal part. And the apathetic part.

There is so much wisdom in Coelho's books and stories. I wish I had a grandfather who would tell me stories like that. I do have a grandfather, but its different... Perhaps this is a sign that I should talk to my grandfather more before he passes away. There are so many stories of things that he's gone through, being that he's from communist China.

Books and stories are beautiful lovers. I wish I could just spend days and days reading without being bothered by people like my mom. She's currently in a house-cleaning project and wants me to help her, which I don't mind so much, but I'd rather read.

Guys like this need to get a life

I was harassed at work today. It came as quite a shock because well, I wasn't expecting it. At least not at the video store where I work. A video store. And we're in a good, well-established and classy neighbourhood too.

It came in the form of a phone call. I was helping a male customer on the phone with some price checks, being professional the whole time and then at the end of the call, he asks, "Are you hot?".

I hung up on him.

At the last two places I worked at, get harassed by male customers was bound to happen, I suppose. It was a surprise today though. I got pissy infront of customers and my boss. No one minded though because my anger was justified.

But seriously, guys who harass women or even other men need to get a life. Harassment shows no respect and insensitivity towards those people. People, no matter who they are, need to be treated like people instead of objects that can be toyed around or played with.

Justice

I suppose I am naive in thinking everything is so black and white.

But if something was wrong, wouldn't you want to change it too?

Summer Plans (in December)

I have decided that this summer, instead of pursuing summer courses, or a prestigious internship, I will take it easy (but not really).

I plan to self-educate. That means reading as many classical or cultural or spiritual books as possible. I have a steadily growing list that will never get read during the school year, due to all my courses. I'll post it soon.

I also want to take advantage of my employment at Rogers and watch all the movies and DVDs that would further my cultural knowledge. I like "getting" cultural references, like if someone mentions a line from a movie, I like being able to know where the line is from, how it alludes to other references and the significance of why the person said it and how it fits in to the situation.

I'm going to relive High school by watching teen dramas such as Dawson's Creek and Smallville. I figure that there's plenty of time for me to grow up and get an internship in the next few years.

I haven't heard back from the Toronto Star yet (I ended up applying to an internship there last minute), but I probably didn't get the job, knowing that there are many other applicants who have better portfolios than mine. I'm not going to be applying to internships for a while until my portfolio is well-maintained with lots of quality work and I have lots (meaning 3 more years) of experience writing for my campus paper.

I'm only 19, while that means there are other 19, even 18 year olds out there who are doing their best to grab internships or jobs in their field, I'm really in no rush to grow up. There's plenty of time to do that later. Plenty of time to devote my life to work. My friend is 31 and he's in the same program as me, though we show no signs of getting younger, there is no rush to establish ourselves in our line of work.

My main concern is keeping a focus this summer of reading and watching movies. And creating art. Last summer and the summer before that; too many social activities. Luckily, this summer most of my friends are pretty involved in summer courses and jobs. Hopefully I won't get distracted from my goals.

I envision myself hanging out at a library or a coffeeshop everyday, reading a book, attending concerts/music events occasionally, going out to cultural events (theatre), watching movies at night, and working (at most) twice a week. And making art.

4 whole months x 4-5 books a month = approximately 16-20 books in total. Plus 4-8 movies a week. The goal of my summer is not to make money or meet new people, but to learn.

Awkward moments

My new mantra is going to be:

Avoid any encounters that are predicted to be awkward. That means: avoid people you usually say hi to if they are with their parents. Or people that you sort of, but don't really know well.

Same same but different

I saw something that frightened me a tad today. At the library, I was in the cafeteria, and almost everyone was using a Mac computer! There was only one person with a PC. It was an eerie sight!

Everyone was drinking a Starbucks and on their Macs.

Previously, I was considering getting a Macbook. I am reconsidering now, worried about the loss of my individuality. I do not want to be a Macbook clone. I know it sounds frivolous, like a desperate and unnecessary attempt to be different, but I seriously do not want to be lost in the crowd of Macbook users.

I know this is cliche and paradoxical, but I want to be "unique, just like everyone else".

What is it with people wanting to be different? To be distinguished from everyone else? I feel like I need to read a multitude of sociology and psychology books to find this answer. Or maybe google will help...

(back from googling)

Okay, so Google says "Because people want to be special, to be remembered, to somehow be significant in their own way". This is true. Everyone wants to be special. But why? Is it an innate ego thing, or is it a cultural identity thing?

It reminds me of Stephen Christian's Orphaned Anythings book; yet I don't remember the exact reason why. I need to re-read that book. It's one of my favourites, yet I don't remember one of the key messages in it. What a fail...

Thus this leads me to a conclusion: I need to read/re-read more books during the holidays. My list of things to do keeps getting longer.

YES!

I love it! No more borrowing IDs, I can go to any show/concert in Toronto! Life is really good at this moment.

Live like everyday is your birthday

A man said to me today "You're the most beautiful lady I've seen today".

He was sweet and so sincere.

I'm inspired to brighten up strangers' and friends' days as well.

Birthday Post

I turned 19 fifteen minutes ago. And I felt like blogging. I think I did the same thing last year too when I turned 18. I was in my dorm room, talking to someone on msn. Now I am STILL on msn (appearing offline), talking to someone. Once a nerd, always a nerd. I'm definitely not the clubbing type.

The thing about birthdays is that it's nice to get all the attention of birthday greetings. But a part of me feels like I'm not deserving of all this attention. All the phone calls, texts, facebook one liners...

What did I do that deserves all of this? Nothing, nothing at all. I just managed to survive living for 19 years of age. Not difficult. Billions of people have done it.

It's strange eh? The phenomenon of birthdays. Having cake and presents and parties and being surrounded by friends.

I appreciate it all. I really do. Thanks, everyone!

I just wish I'd do something extraordinary...

Decisions

Sometimes I feel like Leonard from the movie Memento. I go ahead and do something and I later regret that decision. I can't seem to remember why I went and did something in the first place. Everything seems so confusing and unfamiliar.

I keep hearing that stress affects decision-making skills. Was it stress speaking for me?

Perhaps I have a split personality like Tyler Durden in the Fight Club.

Whatever. It's too late to change anything. No use moping about anything.

I need to "grab life by the balls". Somehow, that sounds so wrong...

Finding roots

To my first love, visual arts:

I'm sorry I've neglected you these past few months. Me and you are going to spend a lot of time together in the next while, I promise!

With love,
Jessica

Note to Self:/ why I'm not a heavy drinker

Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol in public. The asian glow is not attractive.

Vanity aside, here are the reasons I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol:

1. The thought of alcohol flowing through my bloodstream is unsettling. I just don't like the idea...
2. I don't like the smell of beer breath
3. Bad experiences: people puking all over the place
4. Bad experiences with me puking all over the place
5. People start doing stupid things and it freaks me out
6. I start doing stupid things and it freaks me out the day after because I don't know what I've done!
7. I don't like hangovers.
8. And back to the vanity: beer bellies.

Thoughts about Valkyrie:

Thoughts about the movie, not the actual event.

I watched the movie Valkyrie yesterday starring Tom Cruise. The movie is mostly centred around the going-ons of Europe, so there were no people of different races, everyone was white. Also, most of the story focused around what men did and women played a secondary role in the movie.

The movie was about Tom Cruise's actions, he played Colonel Stauffenberg- a central figure in the Valkyrie operation. The person I really identified with was Stauffenberg's wife. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being a housewife, taking care of the house, having beautiful blond children like she did, having a nice big well-furnished house and a handsome war hero husband.

Despite equal rights for women nowadays, I also like the old-fashioned notion of women staying at home taking care of children. It seems so romantic to wait for your man at home. It really does.

On the other hand, I'd like to have my own career and make my own impact on the world. I don't believe in men treating us as lesser than other men. I wouldn't mind being incharge of a large media organization, or making the calls for big decisions. But then again, I suppose anyone would enjoy power.

Your thoughts?

Dreams are so funny

I had this dream where I went to a John Mayer concert and bought a ticket near the very back because obviously I can't afford front row. And then it turns out not many people showed up at the concert, so people in the back were allowed to move up to the front.

Yeah, I know right?

Dream on...

You live, you learn

One of my worst nightmares has just come true and it's not bothering me all that much. So the paper will have to print a retraction- big deal, it wouldn't be the first time. If Jan Wong can stand through the fire, I can too.

Problem is though, I made a journalistic mistake, she just wrote her opinion. I still stand by my article though.

This would have been my reply, had they not shut the comments section down.

Despite the inaccurate monetary amount in this article, I still stand by my point of view. $28.57 is a substantial amount of money for an unskilled job such as a station collector. There are many Torontonians out there who are making minimum wage, $9.50, yet their job requires them to treat customers with respect and courtesy. The TTC should learn to do the same. People are bitter towards the TTC not only because of the increased fare but also out of resentment of the high wages TTC workers earn but the low quality of service the commuters recieve in return.

There are also many companies out there who are cutting on staff in the recession. CEOs are taking less money because of stockholder complaints.

I do agree that the government should have more of a hand in funding, but at the same time, there are many holes the TTC needs to fix to justify the fare increase to customers.

As for Transit City, only time will tell if it is as successful as the marketing says it will be.

What can I say? I'm still learning. You don't always get it right the first time. Though this will have repercussions for my later articles- they will probably check them like a hound dog- it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bad journalist or that I am destined to be a bad journalist. Einstein started off really slow too. It takes courage to say what you really feel, sometimes going against the flow and sparking controversy.

I move on.