Dress Obsessed

I have never been this obsessed over a piece of clothing before. For the past few months, I've been in search of the perfect white summer dress. It's like trying to find the holy grail.

Yesterday, I happened to walk into a store where I tried on this white dress that fit me perfectly. I looked at the price tag, had a heart attack (it's much more than the front row Jason Mraz ticket!), and didn't buy it. Since yesterday, I've been haunted by this dress and it's so erratic and a tad stressful!

I have since decided that you can't put a price on perfection. And tomorrow, I'm going back to buy that dress.

For the whole day, I've been plagued by the possibility that someone else will buy that dress. (there was only one more in that size!)

I know this post seems really pointless and fluff-like. I suppose it is to anyone who isn't me. I probably sound insane, but when someone has a passion for something, its the only thing they see.

I also tried on a black dress (which was also way out of my budget, and equals 22 hours of work) that I fell in love with. Previously, I had promised myself that I wasn't going to buy anymore black dresses because I have enough, but this one fits as if it was tailored to me. It doesn't get any more perfect.

Good-bye savings, hello pretty dresses!

Movies

I spent today, a rainy Wednesday, watching two films with a friend at two different theatres.

I think sometimes, I'd like to live my life in a movie theatre. Movie theatres are dark and comfortable. They are an escape from reality, a safe hiding place where I can spend the rest of my days.

Instead of living my own life, I can live the life of the movie character. And if their life isn't a good life, then I can be comforted with knowing that it isn't really my life at all.

This kind of life would be unproductive of course. But it would be easy. And entertaining. I'm not sure if I'd get bored or not though. I tend to like to be up on my feet and exploring every little thing.

Maybe I'll be a movie hermit this summer for a little while and see how it goes.

Crazy Cat Women

I was talking to this this guy recently, and we came upon the subject of house pets. He said that he wasn't the type to take care of animals, and he asked me if I was like him.

I have always wanted a pet kitten. I told him that, and he said "People say don't ever date a girl who owns a pet cat because they're crazy."

I have never heard of this theory before, but I suppose it sort of makes sense because the girl who is supposedly crazy will one day grow old to become the "crazy cat lady", who as everyone knows, will live alone until she dies one day.

My former music theory teacher was one of those crazy cat ladies. She lived alone with her cat, and was in her 50's. She often talked about her past flings, but I doubt she had had men over recently. It was really uncomfortable being with her, which is why I made sure I never saw her again after I passed my theory test.

Perhaps I will never get a cat until after I'm married. I wouldn't want to jinx anything.

Faith

I'm currently reading The Alchemist. In the book, one of the main principles is "If you want something with all of your heart, the world will conspire to help you get it".

I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it happened today, so I'm going to try it out for a while.

Today, I was at a restaurant, and it was after spending alot of money shopping during the day. I was feeling broke, and then I happened to find $10 in the bathroom.

The last time I found $10 was back in grade 8. Finding money is not a daily occurance for me.

The money was on the floor in one of the stalls. (It was clean) If I hadn't had to go to the bathroom, and if I didn't go into that particular stall, I would not have found that money.

Isn't it strange how the world works? Things have a way of working themselves out. Don't worry about life, you will be taken care of. Just believe that you'll get through. (I could go on and on about Christianity and faith, and all the small miracles that have happened to me. If you'd like to know just ask, and I'll tell you in person)

Concerts/Shows

I'm tempted to write a Holden Caulfield-esque entry about hanging out at the playground yesterday, but that's overdone, and I don't want to be unoriginal and emo.

Instead, I will whine about not being able to get good tickets to the Jason Mraz show in Toronto because of my super slow computer. Ugh.

The ticket selling time was 10:00 am EST, I got up at 9:40am (usually, I wake up at 11am!) I turned my computer on, and I waited until it was 10. And then my computer took a ridiculous amount of time to load pages, which is probably why I ended up with tickets at the level 200 (which is not what I wanted, I wanted level 100 tickets). So then I tried getting tickets at Livenation, directly, not Ticketmaster, and I ended up with level 100 seats... at $62 each!

Which I suppose isn't bad because $62 isn't $100. But here I am thinking, I can't really afford this. $62 is almost as much as a Wonderland season pass, which I didn't end up getting when all my friends got one. Spending $62 for one night seems like alot compared to the seasons pass, which you can use as many times as you want.

Then again, I've been known to walk out of CD stores with $100 purchases, or go on shopping sprees which go over that amount expedentially.

I guess I'm glad I work at the Molson Amphitheatre, where the show is happening. I'm hoping that my boss will let me off of the show early, and I'll be able to enjoy most of the show on the floor, free of charge.

Last year, I was able to see John Mayer, Backstreet Boys, and Simple Plan (haha whatever), all at the front. Unfortunately, I was working the whole time when Maroon 5 came by.

On Expectations

So I saw the movie The Graduate today. I liked the movie, but I was disappointed at Mrs. Robinson. In my head, she was supposed to be a nice lady. Who knew she was a dirty whore that complicates things?

In the Simon and Garfunkel song that is the theme for that movie, the lyrics go "Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you would know, wo wo wo. God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson, heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey hey hey."

From those lyrics, I pictured Mrs. Robinson to be a nice lady that helps people out, you know?

I've been listening to that song since I was a kid, and I've always loved that song. I used to always wonder about the story of Mrs. Robinson. It sucks to be disappointed because she was such a slut in the movie. She was definitely not what I pictured and did not meet my expectations.

Expectations are a funny thing. It's always nice to meet your expectations, but if what you get is exactly what you expected, then it becomes old and cliche, almost boring. It becomes banal uninspired.

Perfection comes in small surprises, while meeting expectations. Perfection is above and beyond, but not too far off.

Role Play

I just finished watching The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I am in wonder at how Brad Pitt always gets the best roles, and he actually plays them well.

He gets to be Jesse James, an American outlaw legend- what a bad ass. He was also Tyler Durden, an anti-capitalist hero to many- another legend. He plays Achilles in Troy- another awesome part. Personally, I liked him best in Ocean's Eleven, as Rusty Ryan.

Just today, I scanned his list of parts. His amazing resume is strange to me because I have always written Brad Pitt off as a not a "real" actor because I've always seen him as "too pretty" and too commercialized.

Ryan Gosling, on the other hand, I have always admired his career because he always chooses the independent films that are artsy and dark. United States of Leland, Stay, Half Nelson, Lars... And then The Notebook, which is one of my favourites, and not so dark or independent.

Another of my favourites is Leonardo Dicaprio. Titanic (swoon), Blood Diamond, Catch Me If You Can, Gangs of New York... P.S. I can't wait to see Revolutionary Road!

Actors who take on a variety of different roles always earn more respect from me than the typical Matthew McConaughey chick flick eye candy part. Then again, I have to say that McConaughey has made a nice career playing practically the same role over and over again. Maybe the joke's on us since he's successful and doesn't really do much in his acting. His bod is what got him so far.

Honourable Mentions of Favs: Kate Winslet, Merryl Streep, Dustin Hoffman, Johnny Depp and Tom Hanks

Word Play

It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.

(No I didn't come up with this, but I thought it was clever)

Vacations

I'm going to vacation in Prague in about a month. I am excited but sad at the same time because a lot of my favourite bands are coming to Toronto in the time that I'll be gone; Switchfoot, Mariana's Trench, The Fray...

I had already bought tickets to see Switchfoot, but ended up selling them to a friend. My mom promised to make it up to me by taking me to sell a music event in Prague. I want to see the best of Prague, not just the tourist attractions.

I know I have a few favourite areas of Toronto that don't appear in the Tourist sites. These are my favourite Toronto areas:

1. Kensington Market
2. The Harbourfront
3. Independent Theatres
4. Bloor Cinema
5. Queen Street
6. Yonge Street (from Bloor down)
7. Yorkville
8. Smaller Concert Venues
9. Yonge/Eglinton (I love uptown neighbourhoods)

Areas That Could Potentially Make it to the Above List: (but need more exploring)

1. St. Lawrence Market
2. The Danforth
3. West Eglinton?

Anyway, the point I'm making is that my favourite areas about Toronto don't usually correlate to the ones that the tourist guides point out. I thought about becoming a tourguide this summer to show people my favourite areas, because I'm sincerely excited about these places, and of course, when you're excited, you want more people to know why you're excited.

The last thing I want is to go to Prague to get the same over-priced touristy destinations that I avoid in Toronto. Sure the C.N. Tower is worth a look at, but what really makes Toronto special for me is the culture. I want to get to know the culture of Prague too.

I find that following a tour in another country is the worst idea ever. Once, I went to Brazil and we followed a tour, and it was the most commercialized piece of crap. Sure we got good hotels, and we did cool stuff that is cheaper in a group package, but there is no freedom to discover a city yourself.

My favourite trip was probably California last year because we didn't follow a tour at all.

Cities Around the World that I like:

Rome
Malaga
Toledo
Tokyo
London
Sydney

Cities that I Probably Would Have Liked: (but were ruined by following a tour)

Paris
Holland
Austria
(and then a bunch that I have lost from my memory because I just don't want to remember bad experiences)

Moral of the story: Tours are no fun.

Your Keirsey Temperament Sorter Results indicates that your personality type is that of the Guardian.
Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply -- and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.
Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly -- they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.
Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.
Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population, and a good thing, because they usually end up doing all the indispensable but thankless jobs everyone else takes for granted.
Guardians at WorkAs a Guardian, you enjoy working as a valued member of a team, whether you are leading it or following a credible leader. You like to work with people who carry their weight. You appreciate having clear-cut responsibilities and being recognized for your dedication and achievements. Your natural traits are those that employers have traditionally valued - and that successful companies still respect. You are responsible and loyal to an organization once you've signed on.
In any environment, including your work place, you are usually focused on making people happy and facilitating harmonious relationships. You often lend "aid and comfort" by drawing on a combination of tradition, past experience, and the direction of established authority. In your ideal job, people would give of themselves and work toward the good of the group.

You can take this quiz at: http://www.keirsey.com/

I found this quiz slightly inaccurate because I've always viewed myself as an Idealist. Perhaps there have been many changes in my life recently that led to this. (And I'm going to be as vague as possible about that)

I was watching College Life on MTV today, which is a reality TV show based on kids in college. I think it's crazy how people can have so much drama in their lives, especially between friends. There was this girl who was secretly seeing this guy who her other friend didn't like, and then the friend found out, and the friend bitched at her.

Like really?

My life must be so easy then. But then again, it's television, so maybe the producers just chose to film people who naturally create drama in their own lives.

From my point of view, life is pretty straight-forward. I believe that the people I have chosen to surround myself with don't talk behind my back. What they express towards me is how they really feel about me.

On Driving

Today was the first day that I've ever driven a car.

It felt strange. I've had dreams before, where I'm driving a car, except in those dreams, I eventually crashed because I haven't driven before in real life, so in my mind, I'd assume that I'd be bad at it.

To be honest, I'm kind of disappointed in myself because I wanted to drive without anyone teaching me. I know that's illegal, but it seems like a teenage rite of passage- stealing your parent's car and driving. Now that I'm past it, I'll have to think of some other way to rebel. Graffiti anyone? ;)

I remember once, I almost took my mom's car. I got as far as turning the ignition on, and then the loud music blasted from the stereo, which scared the hell out of me, and I couldn't go through with it anymore. That, and I wasn't sure how to back out of the parking space.

Driving for the first time today felt like a videogame, like it was unreal. The roads we took, I've been down them so many times in the passenger seat, that it didn't feel like I was actually driving the car. It felt unsafe whenever we went past an intersection with traffic lights. It felt like I was snowboarding because objects were moving past me so quickly. (Yes, I was speeding a couple of times, but I was only trying to match the speed of the cars beside me, so therefore, they were probably speeding as well)

Before today, in my head, I had a list of things that could have possibly gone wrong. None of those things happened today thankfully. I am still here, typing this for whoever is reading. Phew!

Another movie to add to my "list of favourites"

I watched The Reader last night. It was simply beautiful. It reminded me why I like movies in the first place. (I've been watching some mediocre movies lately, in hopes of looking for something like this, ie The Matrix; which wasn't completely bad, but it was cheesy at some parts)

I find that the movies that make me cry are the ones that I tend to usually like. Titanic, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember...

Of course, I do have favourites that aren't part of the drama/romance genre.

----

Okay, so I just did a Facebook search to see who else on my friends list liked The Reader, and there was no one?! How can that be???

What is it that makes us like the films we like?

Ugh!

At school right now, about to go mando class in an hour. I'm already certain this class is going to suck. Every class is probably going to suck since I'm bad at mandarin.

I have never ever felt so stupid in a class...

This is going to be embarrassing and torturous :(

Pen Biting

I have been biting down on my pen for about 10 minutes, and it feels pretty good. The other day, I read in Malcolm Gladwell's book, Blink, that in an psychological experiment that looked at how facial muscles affect your mood, by using certain muscles on your face, it can change your mood.

In the experiment, there were two groups of people. One group had to bite down on pens, and the other group didn't. Both groups were sent to watch a comedy, and the group that bit down on the pens found the comedy funnier and laughed louder.

When you use your cheek muscles, it automatically makes you happy because of some scientific reason I can't explain...

So if you ever feel sad, or you're having a bad day, you know what to do now.

Too busy to type!

I suppose I should add a real update.

The thing is, I've been so busy with life, I find I have no time to be typing. It just seems like a waste of time, blogging about life when I have so much stuff to do, so many books to read, so many songs to learn, so many movies and plays to watch! I really like writing though, so I don't think I'll stop blogging anytime soon.

I thought that come summer, I'd be less busy, with time to laze around, and do projects I had wanted to do during the school year but never had time to because I was so busy.

Really, I think I just want to have a day where I can chill at Starbucks. I should probably plan one of those days in my schedule, but that'd be ironic because the point of chilling at Starbucks is that it's low-key, and shouldn't be planned. Planning a trip to Starbucks seems pretentious and kind of loser-ish. Damn.

Maybe I should sleep less to get more time...

Adventures

Tonight's events were interesting. It started off at 7 pm in a subway station, where I met up with a good friend. She is just as crazy and spontaneous as I am, so when the two of us are together, we get into strange and bizarre adventures.

We were walking along Danforth, when she decides to show me this organic grocery store, where her aunt works. It was definitely a learning experience for me. Not all grocery stores are created equal. This grocery store had lots of vegans walking around, so me and her, we pretended to be vegans too. (This reminds me of a time when I was with her, and we were walking in an expensively priced gourmet grocery store, in a ritzy downtown area, and we pretended to be snobbishly rich.) And you may not realize it, but vegans have a very distinctive minimalism look to them. No flashy jewelry or excessive make-up on the women, and the men looked very fresh. Generally, the people in the vegan grocery store were young, in the their twenties, and looked eccentric and educated. There was a girl at the cashier who had dyed bright red hair. No one was a cookie-cutter prep, but looked rather cool with a slick, minimal downtown style, that was bordering on dark. There were no gossip magazines, or beauty magazines at the counter, instead, there were rows of gardening magazines, some feminist magazines I recognized, Adbusters, and many non-conventional thinking reading materials.

In the aisles, there were strange concoctions like apple butter, or macadamia butter, flat breads that had all sorts of seeds in them, all sorts of dried fruit (have you ever seen dried blueberries or dried mangoes?), a peanut butter making machine (at the top, it is filled with peanuts, and when you turn the handle, it mashes them into a paste), organic jelly beans, and non-ordinary jams/ cooking sauces.

Then, after looking at so much food, we decided that we were both hungry, so we walked into a random, sketchy bar/restaurant on the street.

During the first 3 minutes that we were waiting to be seated, we stood awkwardly at the door, not sure if we should find our own seat, wait to be seated, or just run out of the bar. Keep in mind that this is the first time both of us had ever been into a bar.

A waiter greets us; he is tall and angular, has long, dirty blond dreadlocks, a black bandana around his hair, metal plugs in his ears, and is wearing a black t-shirt, and cuffed tan coloured pants. In short, he looks like he is ready to go mosh at a rock concert.

As if we weren't intimidated enough by our waiter, and the dark room, we were seated by the waiter at the back of the restaurant, all by ourselves. After looking at the menu for a few minutes, I beckon to another waiter with a question. He is a short, stout man with a bald head, he looked tough, like he was the bar owner, and just as he is walking away, I catch his attention, and he screeches "YES?" in a loud high pitched voice. His flamboyantness definitely caught me off guard.

Rattled, but not (well not entirely) shaken, we order our meals, and in a few moments, our food arrives. We observe the other diners eating here; no children, and the bar was filled with middle-aged adults. We are shockingly the youngest in the bar/restaurant.

It was then that I also noticed the rainbow gay pride flag displayed proudly at the front of the bar.

We looked around, and began questioning the original sexuality of the "females" in the bar. The couple that sat next to us appeared to be male/female, but on closer inspection, we noticed her husky voice, her stubby legs, and excessive make-up.

I noticed the sole female waitress giving our table strange looks. (I do hope she wasn't checking us out) Everyone probably assumed that me and my friend were on a date, and therefore lesbians.

It was definitely a new experience for the both of us.

We ended the night by going to a dessert place, and gorging on a huge waffle topped with ice cream, whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate sauce.

Note to Self:

If you are single in the future, the waterfront has lots of cute jogger guys.

Jessica's analysis of "why jogger guys are great catches":

1. Jogging probably means they lead a healthy lifestyle, which probably means they don't smoke (the thing that bothers me so much!)

2. It probably also means that they are in check with their life, because they make time to appreciate the beauty of the waterfront.

3. Usually athletic guys are laid back and friendly. (from my experience)

4. You can tell they take care of their bodies, which can taken one step further to assume that they will take care of their significant others.

5. They will most probably be very fit and possibly good-looking, since they are jogging.

6. The waterfront is near a good neighbourhood, which probably means they are financially well off, since people don't travel far just to go for a walk.

GirlFest!

Today was what I would call a "GirlFest", where all the girlies from high school got together at my apartment for some bonding time.

It was cute. We watched 2 movies: Chasing Liberty, and The Sound of Music (if anyone can guess the correlation between those two movies, you earn a pat on the back from me)

Everytime the cute guy (Matthew Goode), in Chasing Liberty took off his shirt, there'd be girlish screams, and everytime they kissed, there'd be "aww"s. Of course, we didn't pay attention to some parts of the movie, but that's what makes it so fun- laughing about the cheesy parts, making fun of the characters, cracking sexual innuendo jokes at completely inappropriate moments...

If I were to replan another get-together in the future, I'd get rid of the movies because we barely got to talk today. No updates, just spending time together in the same room, watching the same movie, eating the same food, laughing at the same cheesy moments.

It's strange how movies are social activities yet there is barely any social activities going on. We say hi, bye, and then they leave.

Aw well, I'll still see them throughout the summer.