What a Jess!

Work

2010-12-10T23:25:00.004-05:00

I've been enjoying going to work these days.

Ever since all the old co-workers left and the new ones came, the atmosphere has been more fun. Change ain't always bad.

There are more females at work now and we all bond together. We stick together because the guys don't help us out much. It's strange. A year ago, the managers were both women and the store was staffed with mostly men. Now the managers are both men and the store is staffed with mostly women... or well the shifts I work, they are staffed with mostly women, which makes it more fun. We joke around together.

A year ago with the mostly male staff, I admit I did play the part of "charming gal who knows nothing" so the guys would help me with the harder questions customers sometimes asked. I think they thought of me as a little sister. But now that the guys who were nice to me are all gone, I rely on the women to help me out with stuff. It's nice because there's a since of team work. I don't charm the women to help me out. We just help each other out freely.

I also like working with the females because sometimes we do have serious discussions. Many of the women who work there are becoming teachers or social workers. We talk about inequities and kids and society.

When I work with the guys, all they do is shoot elastic bands at each other. Real mature huh?

But then again, today my female co-workers all spoke with English accents. It was the strangest thing. Someone started it first and then they all did it.

When I left work, and said "Bye", one of them yelled "Cheerio!" It was pretty funny.

I used to be wary about being around women or girls because of all the gossiping that happens. And it does happen at work too. There is this other girl who allegedly spread lies about the another girl to the manager. And they talked about this "liar" girl for a while.

I know that sometimes some staff talk behind my back because I'm never actually at work (I have the least amount of shifts of all the co-workers). The reason this is is because I don't actually need to go to work to make money. I keep the job because of the benefits of free movie rentals. That's all. I purposely ask for less shifts because I feel that the job is somewhat tedious.

So according to some staff (some of the guys), I'm a "joke". It's not like I care what they think though- they will be the ones working at the same minimum wage job their whole lives while I'll be out and doing what I love.

This is why I love how the girls are so supportive of each other. Just because some of the guys do tend to test your limits.

Plotting...

2010-08-21T17:48:00.002-04:00

So this is the plan:

Since I work at the amp, I am going to become friends with as many security guards as possible. And then when they hand out set lists at the end of the show, I can be like "Hey, remember me?"

Currently on my plate at the moment:

2010-08-12T22:15:00.002-04:00

2 part-time jobs

1 internship

2 upcoming gigs

1 wedding to MC

1 magazine to put out

1 sunday school lesson to prepare

1 driving test to pass

1 room to clean up

All of this before Sept 7, the day school starts and even MORE to add to my plate. I'm stressed is an understatement.

Just a place for pipe dreams

2010-07-27T04:39:00.001-04:00

The other day, at the concert venue I work at, a friendly guy struck up a conversation with me.

He said how one day, he would like to perform on the big stage. I asked "What did he play" and he replied that he did techno.

This struck me hard, as I also had aspirations to one day play on the big stage as well. And so did another of my co-workers (I overheard him saying it to someone else). Maybe most of the people who see the big stage have the same goal.

In reality though, we can't all play on the big stage. We can't all fill up 16,000 seats in one city.

As much as I'd like to in the future, play to a sold out crowd at the amp, I know that the chances of this are pretty slim. I'd like to be able to say "I used to work here, and now I'm playing here!"

So I propose this: I'm going to keep trying in reality but hold on to my dreams and not get disappointed because I'm going to try with every last ounce of my effort. All or nothing, if I fail, at least I know I've tried.

Smallville again

2010-07-16T16:01:00.003-04:00

For those of you who don't know me from way back, I am a Smallville fanatic. You know, the TV show.

I recently bought 7 of the seasons, just for something to do during the summer. I've always wanted to catch up.

I don't remember watching any of these episodes even though I'm pretty sure I've gone through them all because I found out about songs that they were playing through watching the show years ago. It's weird to watch something like its new, but knowing you've already watched it. Is my memory that bad?

Now that I'm watching again, I get a strange feeling of nostalgia. Right now, its 2010, but I'm watching episodes that were made in 2002 or 2001. (Still second season) It's eerie looking at clothing styles that were popular from almost 10 years ago. It brings back fond memories, but its sad knowing that that's the past and we'll never go back. I mean, nothing is wrong with my life now, but sometimes relics of the past make me want to go back. Just for a day or two.

Reading blogs and thinking about life

2010-06-24T02:32:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I want to be 16 again when everything is so new to me and everything is fantastic. Sometimes I want to be wide-eyed and naive again. Have I seen too much? Been to too many places?

Of course that's not true. I just need to do something that is different. Get off the track, run to the woods. (not sure if that is an expression, but I think you'd get what I mean)

I just love reading my cousin's blog posts. She is young, reminds me of the girl in the movie An Education. I am just 3 years older. That was me a few years ago. It's amazing how much growing you do in 3 years. I don't mean physical growth (obviously), but growth in experience, in learning about the world, in wisdom.

I feel more sure of myself now, like I can achieve anything.

Since high school, this is what I've done/memories:

-university credits (these weren't easy!)

-built really close friendships with university friends

-networked and have a sort of good collection of people who can help me or who I can help

-went to CMW, took lots of pictures

-got a photo PUBLISHED in a musician's CD

-got published in two student newspapers

-earned the title and job of Photo Editor for next year's paper

-learned photography (using an SLR)

-Bronze 4 in sailing

-G1

-Organized a successful event out of school (how do you define success?)

-read quite a few books

-had some amazing experiences with friends (if I could list them all out I would-hard to pick just one)

-okay fine, I will pick one. Ingrid Michaelson concert.

-performed music at events

-got into drama/theatre

Things I have NOT done that I would like to do more of:

-ART

-maybe go clubbing once, see what its like.

Beautiful Souls

2010-06-24T01:53:00.002-04:00

I don't know how quite to describe what constitutes a beautiful soul- but people I meet who bear them make me so happy.

How would I describe it? They are people who ooze positivity, dreamers, artists, writers, poets. Perhaps someone with a sorrowful tale to tell but still has hope. Someone who yearns for the green grass. They are people who strive for something just out of reach, but knows that someday they will achieve whatever it is they so desire. They spread joy in this world and I'm so happy to know some people who are so gorgeous on the inside. They make this world beautiful.

Lose Control

2010-05-21T08:53:00.002-04:00

Today I am not going to let things that I don't have any control over affect me. Sometimes you just gotta let your life slide. It's going to get messy. I'm not going to be super organized anymore with my life all in a calendar. I'm going to try this out for a week and see what happens. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't.

I'm not going to worry about how my actions affect anyone else. You need to be selfish once in a while. Just because someone expects you to fulfill a role doesn't mean you have to do it.

Childish? Maybe. But at least I will be free.

More goals in life:

2010-04-23T23:32:00.003-04:00

1. Be a better daughter

2. Be a better friend

3. Be a better cousin

Thought of the Day: It's good to have ambitious goals for yourself, but its better to connect with people around you and really make a difference.

Epiphanies from creeping

2010-04-23T22:33:00.002-04:00

I feel a bit creepy, I'm stalking my cousin's blog haha. But as I was reading it, I noticed she recorded some moments between us which weren't so significant to me, but meant a great deal to her. I want to be there for her more now.

Love Advice

2010-04-11T17:30:00.002-04:00

(Conversation about weddings and dancing)

Me: Not many guys dance, you know.

Cole: WHAT?! Are they losers?!

Cole: You can tell a lot about a guy if he dances or not. Keep that in mind when you pick Mr. Right.

How to get people to like you

2010-04-07T19:54:00.003-04:00

As I am typing this, I am at one of the student newspapers I write at where they are holding elections. I am watching the speeches and making mental notes of how people are making their speeches. The election and question process is pretty intense. Its a room of around 30 people all watching you while you are making a speech and then a question and answer period where questions are fired at you. Pretty nerve-racking if you ask me; some people were shaking when they made a speech.

Here is a list of things to do if you're making a speech to get an elected position:

1. Be friendly but professional in your speech. I noticed that people voted for candidates who seemed friendlier and more open. Obviously people will want to work with someone who is nice.

2. Know the position you are running for well. Some of the candidates didn't know answers to their specific field. Ex. person running for a sports editor position didn't know anything about the physical education department at school. This just looks really bad on you. So make sure you know your stuff! If you really don't know the answer to a question, use the elephant and ant technique. At least it gives you something to say.

3. Do not be sarcastic. It's all about attitude, really. There was this girl who gave a really fake smile. People like genuine.

4. Try to fit in, but stand out. It sounds like a paradox, but what I really mean is this: identify with your voters but stand out from the rest of the candidates. You need to make people remember you in a good way- don't be remembered for a bad attitude or cold air.

5. Do not be intimidated by other candidates' experience. People like candidates with experience, but passion speaks more. Obviously you need to be qualified for the job first though.

6. Have interesting ideas. It shows initiative and passion as well as creativity. It sets you apart from the crowd.

7. Use examples to make points. Vague statements are useless. Anyone can say "I have leadership skills." But to go further and say "I have leadership experience, I led this team on this year and so on" gives concrete evidence that you aren't just making stuff up. And it makes you look good too.

8. Body Language! There was this girl that crossed her arms whenever she went up to speak. Big no-no! You need to look approachable and friendly not stern and cross because then people will like you better and be more likely to vote for you.

9. Have a good time. Even if people don't vote for you, for every thing you do, you learn from it. Making a speech and answering questions gives you the experience for you to do better next time. So have fun!

Teaching Aspirations

2010-04-06T19:59:00.003-04:00

I'm currently at my university's library. A T.A. sat down across from me and suddenly I want to be a T.A.

I've always wanted to be a teacher, ever since I was 4. Being a T.A. means fulfilling my goal of teaching. It also means getting paid a handsome amount of money on the side for something I really want to do. My cousin is a T.A. and he earns $30 an hour. Which isn't amazing compared to high level corporate jobs, but for a job that requires little to no training beforehand, this is pretty good.

The T.A. sitting across from me is pretty cool. her laptop is plastered with cool little quotes like "The most important thing is doing what you really want to do and developing yourself individually". She is the T.A. for an English class I'm presuming because she is marking essays with the topic of "lyrics in music" or something like that.

This is exactly what I'd like to do. T.A. for a class that relates to music in English. I recall that my Tutorials in Poetry class were really boring, but I'm hoping I get to T.A. a class that is less boring. I want to be a really good T.A. I want students to be excited to come to my class.

I already teach Sunday school for my church every month, but there is so little teaching each month! I do try my best to be a good Sunday School teacher. I bring my kids (who are ages 10-12) food each week, I make sure they learn something, but I don't force religion on them. I have generally good kids, just a bit rowdy sometimes (most of them are boys). They are quite obedient now that I think about it, they listen quite well. One thing I should do better is get to know them better. Next time, I'm going to bring in personality tests so I can get a sense of their learning styles and maybe help them get to know their own learning styles and personalities. Self-knowledge is quite important for kids to know don't you think? I want to somehow incorporate self-esteem building in our classes too. I want my kids to be confident in themselves yet I want them to be caring to others as well.

I have big goals for my lessons.

Now that I have concrete motivation to write really good essays in English class, I think I'm going try even harder to do well in school. Lately my focus has been on music and extracurricular activities. I mean, I do well in school but I'm not trying my best. (This is me being honest) All my energy is going to music. This could be the push that I need.

Almost a Groupie

2010-04-03T01:13:00.003-04:00

I feel like THE ultimate creeper. I found the Facebook of the guitarist of this band. What kills me is that we have a mutual friend in common.

Speaking of bands and music, I decided to create another blog where I would write specifically about music so I could focus on more general things in this blog.

You can find it here: almostagroupie.blogspot.com

There's nothing on it yet, but there will be- so subscribe!

Dress shopping

2010-03-31T20:56:00.005-04:00

I was shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding today and the gay sales person that helped me out asked me a few questions to see what dress he should recommend to me.

The following is our conversation:
Gay salesman: Do you want a long dress or a short dress?
Me: Ummm...
Gay salesman: Are you single or have a boyfriend?
(Me thinking in my head: how does that matter?)
Me: Single.
Gay salesman: Well, in that case, we're looking for a short dress!
(I start to giggle)
Gay salesman: That's how I'd shop for a dress!
-----

I didn't end up buying a dress today, it's probably too early for the stores to start carrying summer dresses. Well, there are a few- but its not their best.

One of my favs from off the internet. Not sure of the make.

Moments

2010-03-25T23:22:00.004-04:00

Today I was at one of those open mic things at school. This one band played, and for one song, they said "this is one of those dance type of songs, so if you're with your significant other, go ahead and dance".

For a moment, I was brought back to middle school dances, where my gut would tighten when everyone coupled on the dance floor during the slow songs, leaving the few wall flowers (me and others) behind. No one wants to be the collective group that sits/stands during the slow dances. No one wants to be alone.

It got better in high school, I eventually got asked to dance and didn't have to sit out. But sometimes, things got awkward too: like that time someone asked me to dance for his friend (it was a fast song) and the guy who I was dancing with, his friends kept trying to push us closer together. Yikes. And then at the end I didn't want to dance with him anymore so I was making faces at my friend to come rescue me but the guy I was dancing with saw me make the faces. Awkward.

So today when the band started playing that dance song, I got that nervous gut feeling again. I was worried that 1. everyone around me would start coupling up and I'd be left alone or 2. one of my guy friends would ask me to dance and it would make it awkward for the rest of our friends.

But luckily, none of that happened. Phew! I guess university students are too cool to dance at open mics.

How do you feel about school dances?

#18943rd reason why I hate flash:

2010-03-25T01:01:00.001-04:00

White dresses are transparent when you use flash to take a picture. Fuuuu. :(

Music

2010-03-22T23:08:00.002-04:00

I really like how certain people make me think of certain songs. So beautiful.

If you asked me, I could describe the type of song that represents your personality, the song I hear when I think of you.

Overstimulation

2010-03-16T13:07:00.004-04:00

I was listening to Incubus today and wanting to listen to them live.

And then I realized that I already did that.

I've seen too many shows, gone out too much- it takes more to impress me now and I forget past experiences.

I remember now that it was just this last summer that I saw them. And I was singing along with "Drive" and obsessing over Brandon Boyd (of course).

I am only 19 and developing a mild case of Alzheimers. Yikes.

Don, if you're reading this, this is why I need to take pictures of everything.

Epiphanies

2010-03-15T21:49:00.002-04:00

Today an epiphany came to me as I was woken up by my alarm clock this morning. Random self-realizations are awesome, because through these methods, you figure out more about yourself and your preferences.

I realized today that I hated waking up in the morning. I like to wake-up whenever I want to, I'm a very unstructured person.

Thus, I when I get out of school, the job I want will probably be a job at home. Something like being a writer or photographer would do perfectly. I don't think I'd ever want to do a 9 to 5 desk job. That's not me at all.

In ten years or so, I can picture my future husband waking up to go to work, but leaving me behind in bed. I imagine that he would be the type that has a structured life (because opposites attract), but then again, maybe not.

Anyway, question of the day (to my two or so readers): What are some things you've realized about yourself lately that you weren't aware of a year ago?

and

Where do you picture yourself in ten years?

Post CMW:

2010-03-14T13:08:00.002-04:00

I just realized I might need another week off school to recover from the festivities that happened this week. Is school work suffering? Well not right now currently, but I need to write an essay soon. Ugh.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of the stories that I will one day tell my grand children. (Unless something beats this, and I have hopes)

I was in the press room and all of a sudden, the band Mariana's Trench walks in. I've been a fan since 2005 so this is pretty big for me. I started talking to them, we got friendly and one of them brought me chocolate mousse from the catering (since media aren't allowed food- what a stupid rule)!

I know it doesn't sound that exciting, but hey, I got chocolate mousse from a band member of one of my favourite bands!

Story #2: Not really a story, but I was sitting at the same table (f0r one of the sessions) as the keyboardist of Ill Scarlett! And the lead singer of the Arkells sat behind me.

Story #3: I made eye contact with the guitarist of Crash Parallel twice! He is really cute. He looks like a less buff version of Taylor Lautner. And he plays the guitar really well.

Okay wow these stories are kind of lame, but hey, its not every day that you get to be in the same place as emerging Canadian artists and industry big wigs. There was this man from Nashville there who worked personally with Taylor Swift, lots of Hollywood types...

Oh and Jesse Labelle emailed me (because I told him I had lots of pictures of him, which I took at his show). So now I know his email... and I can bomb him with fan mail. Just kidding! I'm supposed to be professional and everything, since I work as the "media" now.

Canadian Music Week

2010-03-12T00:38:00.003-05:00

I'm thinking I want to be like my friend, Lonely Vagabond. Prowling the streets at night, listening to live music at venues. This is when I really feel alive. I don't even have to be intoxicated to just enjoy sound.

I think I've rediscovered my love for music.

I only dream of you, my beautiful

2010-03-09T23:52:00.003-05:00

The above is a lyric from a Muse song, penned by Matthew Bellamy.

I wonder what kind of guy he's like in person. Maybe quiet and anti-social? I knew a guy like that once. I even felt special that I was his friend because he didn't like hanging out with other people. He thought they were "fake" or something like that. He was a real Holden Caulfield. He played guitar like Matthew Bellamy and even had a British accent like him.

We were in a band together.

And then we weren't.

And it was the end of our friendship as well. Long story short: I let him and the rest of the band down as the lead singer, and everything just ended. I wonder where he is and how he is now.

There are so many people in my past. Quite a few in my present, and I can't wait to see who I'll meet in the future.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out the eerie creepiness of the lyrics that Matt Bellemy writes. If you listen to "Absolution", you'll get a feel of what I'm talking about. Everything about that album is just so haunting.

What a dark and mysterious figure... I wonder how his mind works, and if he's like Holden Caulfield, like my ex-friend.

What a gorgeous man right? His mind is so intriguing.

Lesson Learned

2010-03-02T23:56:00.002-05:00

Well, now I know who not to tell my deepest secrets to. Good thing it wasn't that important and everything is resolved now.

Wow, I can't believe some people have such loose lips. Especially since I explicitly said "Don't tell this to anyone" right after the conversation.

Advice: Being able to keep a secret is a good trait to have. Trust is important in relationships.

Oh Taylor!

2010-02-24T19:38:00.002-05:00

I'm suddenly going through a Taylor Swift faze because of Butch Walker's cover of one of her songs. I saw this video on YouTube and I like her dry sense of humour.

Looking Back on Today...

2010-02-21T19:12:00.007-05:00

So freakin' glad I didn't work at the Auto Show this year. The pay was okay, but the hours and the job were horrible. Met lots of pretty people though. Hah.

It's amazing to see what has happened in a year.

Oh yeah, and the above song is an Ataris song. I was in a coffee shop the other day and heard "Boys of Summer", the Don Henley version. And I thought about the Ataris version. And I thought about summer. And suddenly I was really happy again.

Neat Discovery

2010-02-20T23:22:00.003-05:00

I randomly picked up a magazine for gay men today. It's called Fab. It's free and you can find it around downtown.

Anyway, I was leafing through it and its quite handy for women too. There are various home recipes for soft skin including how to make natural body scrub, do facials, etc.

It was quite interesting.

Try picking up something new and reading it sometime.

Bit by the fashion bug

2010-02-20T12:11:00.003-05:00

Would you pay $2500 for a hand bag?

$2500 could buy a lot of things. Like a small vacation. It could be two-four months rent, depending on where you live. It could feed someone in Africa for 50 months, which is three years!

Then again, I'm thinking that I'm lucky that I fell in love with a $2500 hand bag instead of a $14 000 hand bag like the Hermes Birkin. They can get pretty expensive. You can almost buy a car with that money. Or a really good used car. Birkin bags are nice, but I don't know if I could ever fork over $14 000 for one.

Notes to Future Self:

2010-02-12T00:08:00.003-05:00

If I ever become a big and important person in the future, I am going to make sure I ALWAYS try my best to answer mail from every day people.

I emailed a local theatre writer, whom I really admire, for professional advice and he emailed back! You have no idea how giddy I am right now.

...which is probably a good thing. :)

Day dreaming...

2010-02-10T13:05:00.001-05:00

I wouldn't mind getting paid to blog.

Instead of a real job, I mean.

Married!!!

2010-02-09T10:31:00.003-05:00

So I'm currently sick at home. It's not too bad though. Just a sore throat. I've got plenty of things to do at home and its convenient that I got sick on a day when I didn't have any class.

I'm trying to stay positive about being sick. At least it means I won't have to get dressed today and I get to try out my herbal tea stash. I'm trying all these exotic flavours: blueberry, white raspberry, mango passionfruit, and of course, my usual cranberry tea. I'm drinking blueberry right now and its quite good.

On to the more important news: Stephen Christian is MARRIED?!

Not cool. Well, I am a little jealous of the wife because this guy is the gentlest person I have ever known and I am still smitten. He's pretty amazing. He started a charity, is a rockstar, has insightful and inspiring blogposts, wrote a book, and is really sweet and caring. Click on the link to his blogposts to see what I'm talking about. Read this one, it's really sincere and honest. And inspiring.

What a cutie... too bad he is married.

I suppose there are many more fish in the sea.

Headphone lust

2010-02-05T11:48:00.003-05:00

The past few days have been spent with audiophile friends. People who have nice fancy headphones. After listening with their fancy brand name, high quality head phones, my own crappy JVC head phones don't compare anymore. I can hear the quality difference and it's just not the same.

Once you've been introduced to luxury, it's hard to go back...

Aren't they pretty?

Moments

2010-02-04T00:27:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: This is not meant to offend, I just found it funny.

I was visiting York University and attended a class with my friend. The whole time I was visiting, I felt pretty self-conscious because I felt like I didn't belong and someone would reveal me to be a pseudo York student if I did anything that made me stand out.

The whole class was pretty boring. And then the professor asked, "Does anyone know what myopia is?"

He was greeted by blank stares. I knew what it was, and I was dying to say it, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself incase he went on with further questioning like "Which program are you in?"

The professor tried to get his answer again, "Come on, a classroom full of 200 students, and no one knows what myopia is? Come on, York!"

A long silence. And then I couldn't take it any longer. I raised my hand and said "It's vision problems!"

He replied, "You are correct! Finally someone who knew!"

Under by breath, I said, "I don't go to York."

Quote of the day

2010-02-03T11:11:00.001-05:00

Wrestlers don't date losers. - Cole Carruthers

Feeling very overwhelmed

2010-02-02T15:21:00.001-05:00

That is what looking at Flickr does to me.

So much for me to learn!

Ready, Camera, Action!

2010-01-30T01:16:00.006-05:00

So I'm thinking that I need more pictures or even A single picture on my blog. This thing is all grey space, no eye candy.

Speaking of eye candy... :)

How to get on the bad side of your gay boss

2010-01-30T01:04:00.004-05:00

While both you and your boss are at the counter, a short man in his 30s, walks by.

(after a moment)

Boss: (in admiration) He was cute.

You: No he wasn't! (while making a disgusted face)

-----
He really wasn't cute. The guy that walked by had yellowish skin and a snub nose. My gay boss has bad taste in men. Tsk tsk...

-----

Okay fine. This didn't actually happen. Everything up until my speech is true though.

My boss checks out men infront of me. I suppose he's just trying to bond with me because this doesn't happen around some older married co-workers, but I find this really awkward because he has bad taste. If he picked out cute guys, maybe I would feel differently about our awkward relationship.

Today. (skipping, soldiers, theatre)

2010-01-29T01:23:00.003-05:00

Was a relatively good day.

I slept in. Felt like having a Ferris Bueller's day, except with less shenanigans. I just stayed at home, read a book, read various things online. Oh and J-Crew, if you're reading this, thanks. I didn't expect 4 missed calls and 2 text messages from you guys asking where I was. It felt nice being missed (and I say this in the humblest way possible). I am grateful for all of you.

At around noon, I went downtown for a journalism interview (it went pretty good by the way), picked up free tickets to a theatre show. (Yay, perks of working for a publication) Met up with a friend for this journalism seminar. (I go to too many of those!)

At the seminar, the person who was speaking was a renowned war photojournalist who also shot film. He showed us footage of soldiers shooting people. It was weird for me because this was the first time I had seen people shooting at other people. All the other times, it had been war movies. This was real. I cannot describe the feeling, but it was eerie. The soldiers seemed to have a relaxed demeanor while they were killing people. It was so strange. They probably shot people every day, so by the time the photojournalist was filming, the soldier was used to shooting people. I don't think I'd ever be able to be so chill about killing people. On and on, the video rolled, and they just kept firing off more rounds! And this was all real. The soldier had sweat on his face after shooting for so long, and he stopped shooting for a moment. The commander asked if he was alright, and the soldier said "Yeah, I can keep shooting", and he just kept going.

Another thing that struck me about war was that soldiers are incredibly fit. They carry so much stuff. Guns look heavy, according to Cole, guns weigh around 25 pounds. On top of that, they have to carry their backpacking gear, wear all this heavy stuff (those army boots look heavy and clumsy), AND they have to slog through bodies of water, rough terrain, long grass... I really do admire them for their discipline to be able to get their bodies in such shape. I wonder why they decided they wanted to join the army, why they are okay with killing people for a job.

Around halfway through the lecture, we had to sneak out otherwise I'd be late for the theatre performance. (I have this terrible feeling I am going to meet the lecturer some place someday. Maybe he will be the boss of the job I will be applying for, and he'll remember my face and he'll remember that I walked out of his lecture halfway. The room was small enough for him to notice me and Cole. These things always seem to happen to me.)

The theatre performance was okay. I'm not going to write about it here because I'm writing a review on it later, and that would be redundant if I wrote the review and I wrote about it here. All I can say is: some people are really good at acting. The guy I met up with for the interview was a really nice and friendly guy, but he plays a jerk onstage. It was chilling almost. How someone could play a part so well. It was quite inspiring.

I really want to try acting in a full length play. But I know how much work that takes. And I know I don't have the time to commit to something that great yet. And I know that there are much better actors out there.

Seriously, if I could, I'd do everything. I just don't have the time.

What is crazy?

2010-01-28T15:17:00.004-05:00

I went to a Christian fellowship meeting at my university in the past week. From the outside, Christianity seems like a cult. I mean, there we were, holding hands in a circle, praying!

It seems that we're crazy, insane people. We pray to someone we haven't met before, we love this person, but we can't prove tangibly that he exists.

This is why faith is so strong. There are a million reasons to why people don't think God exists, yet our religion looks past those rationalizations and continue to believe.

One of the main reasons I believe in God is because of the complexity of the world and the design of living species. There is no way that all of this happened by chance! Think of all the things we can do as humans: breathe, run, walk, hear, see, taste... How is it that all those are by chance?

Someone has had to create all this. We manage to live harmoniously (to a point) with nature- our carbon dioxide is used by plants and plants give off the oxygen humans need. Our body is so intricate, with three different types of blood vessels all with different functions, aiding in our breathing, in carrying waste, etc. We have lungs that we use to breathe, there are muscles and bones and our digestive system- a lymphatic system. There is seemingly no part of our body that is useless (except for the appendix which was useful earlier on). How can all this just happen randomly? If you believe in magic I suppose.

And then there is the miracle of creating another life-form: conception and giving birth. How can everything just fit so perfectly unless it were designed that way?

This brings me to a final question: are believers the crazy ones or is it non-believers who are simply too stubborn to acknowledge that there is someone out there, doing greater things?

Oh KevJumba!

2010-01-26T23:50:00.001-05:00

As much as I obsess over KevJumba myself, I thought this was a bit creepy. Haha.

Poor guy with all his fans and girl stalkers.

I really like the nerdy glasses look

2010-01-26T20:31:00.002-05:00

Click here to see

I would totally marry this guy if it weren't for the fact that he was already married and is 38, around 20 years older than me. Ha ha ha.

He has a nice voice and can write music. Swoon...

Lovable Losers

2010-01-26T17:46:00.004-05:00

Definition of a loser: someone who isn't likely to succeed in life.

Lovable: you love them anyways because they are cute, charming and have many forgiving qualities.

As much as it's attractive to date someone who is successful and well in control of his life, I feel that pop culture has conditioned women to be infatuated with this particular type of men.

Some examples: Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, Archie from Archie and Friends, Ted Moseby from How I Met Your Mother, the lead male from the Korean movie, My Sassy Girl.

Traditionally, women are brought up to be attracted to successful, powerful, important men; presidents, CEOs, executives, etc. But many movies these days show women with ordinary men. Ex: choosing to marry for love rather than for power/money/fame. It's like the movie Aladdin.

I can't think of the last movie I watched where the woman chose the rich guy over the poor guy. Women are always choosing the poor guy in movies. Ex. Noah Calhoun in The Notebook, the woman in The Illusionist, Mary Jane picking Peter Parker in Spiderman... It goes on and on and on.

I suppose everyone realized that there simply weren't enough princes for all the princesses to "live happily ever after with", so they created the loveable average/ poor guy character.

We're Playin' Basketball

2010-01-25T22:48:00.004-05:00

I jammed my finger today during a game of basket-ball with some guys. I really should stop playing around with boys. They play too rough.

It's really strange too, because I'm the only girl that plays ball, so it's hard for me to get into a game in the first place unless I know someone in the game. No one wants to play against a girl because they either have to go easy on me (I'm kind of fragile compared to them), or it'll be awkward for that one person who is guarding me because its like they're singled out to be the less experienced player. Because even I'll admit, I'm rusty in basket-ball and scared that I'll be trampled by the boys.

Today, there was a creepy mandarin guy (who wasn't there last week) who kept staring at me and walking around half-naked. And then he started talking to me, asking if I came to the gym a lot.

Okay, so why was he labelled "creepy" and not "charming"? Take note, boys (who are reading this blog): Because he kept looking at me!

If you want to be charming, talk to the girl, be friendly, but don't pay so much attention to her to the point where she feels self-conscious.

Dream on

2010-01-22T10:36:00.001-05:00

I had this dream where it was summer and I went out to the pool and read comics and magazines. Sadly, it's only a dream, we're still in the dead of winter.

2010-01-21T23:33:00.002-05:00

Met a really cute guy today that plays guitar and SINGS. He knows how to dress too! Rarity!

He's probably gay. Or has a girlfriend already. That's just what always happens.

Funny Moments of the Day:

2010-01-20T21:27:00.002-05:00

Dinner with Cousins:

7 year old cousin: (to my 21 year old cousin in muffled voice) Do you like veggies?

21 year old cousin: (wanting to be a good role model) Yes of course! Veggies are good for you!

7 year old cousin: You like wedgies?

21 year old cousin: Wedgies? ...

Work Tomorrow

2010-01-14T21:09:00.003-05:00

I feel like crying already. Ugh.

Ever since the new boss moved in, the whole place has been depressing. And not fun. He somehow seems to be able to drain the life and laughter out of the store and replaces it with artificiality and fake smiles. Everyone is edgy around him. With reason of course, since he critcizes almost everything we do and pressures us to sell things.

I hope my two favourite people to work with are there tomorrow. You wouldn't believe how much of a difference it makes to have good people to work with you.

Shopaholic

2010-01-11T18:24:00.003-05:00

Currently reading "Confessions of a Shopaholic".

Observations:
1. The main character is really stupid and childish. I doubt there are people in real life who think that ripping up a bill payment will make it disappear.

2. I'm worried that I'll be influenced to shop from the book. After watching the movie for my best friend's birthday, the day after, I went shopping and sort of went crazy.

3. I should have never ever picked up this book in the first place. It's an easy, light read, but I'm so disappointed in the character- she keeps screwing up her life by making bad decisions. It's almost like torture, reading this book, reading about bad decision after bad decision... But I'm almost done, so I might as well finish it.

Confession

2010-01-11T10:09:00.002-05:00

I tell everyone that I switched out of my old stats class because I couldn't understand the heavily-indian-accented prof, but that's half of the truth. I'm in this new stats class because of the gorgeous italian prof. He almost makes me want to learn math! I get up at 7:55am to attend this class. I think that speaks for something in itself.

Feeling Old

2010-01-10T23:27:00.002-05:00

Feeling a bit frustrated because I haven't really gotten closer to what I really want to do, but Ingrid Michaelson's story is keeping me going. She started out at 23, and now at 30, she is getting better than ever, and she still acts like she's in her twenties.

Watchmen thoughts:

2010-01-10T21:47:00.004-05:00

It's amazing how much make-up and new hairstyles can transform a person so much. I admit, I was a bit infatuated over the character Rorshach. Something about his solo walking, deep voice, fearlessness, and words makes him seem so cool.

And then he took off his mask, and I saw that the actor was Jackie Earle Haley! The same guy that played the creepy sex offender in the movie Little Children! He suddenly got a lot more attractive with orange hair and an attitude. What a great actor! He can transform so quickly! And here I was thinking, right after I watched Little Children, that Haley specialized in playing creepy outcast roles. But no! He can play a superhero! Oh by the way, the name Rorshach is really clever, the way it matches with his mask. Props to the writers of the graphic novel.

Another example of an amazing transformation: the actor Patrick Wilson who played Nite Owl II. He was gorgeous in Little Children, and yet in Watchmen, he is kind of nerdy and starting to bald. I didn't recognize him with the glasses and had to look at the credits to realize who he was!

A third example, Matthew Goode, who played the British heart throb in Chasing Liberty. In Watchmen, he completely lost his accent, became a blonde and played a (sort of) villainous, cold role as Ozymandias.

Though I can't act as well as the three above, I am now wondering how different I could look with different hairstyles or hair colours...or no hair! (haha kidding) Nevertheless, so many possibilities to explore!

Thoughts on Sherlock

2010-01-07T21:22:00.002-05:00

He is a very sexy man. I like the fact that he can beat people up with logic. I like men with brains. Yet, though having smarts is attractive, the way Holmes carries it out in such a smooth and sleek James Bond-ish way, makes the package complete.

I used to find James Bond attractive, but he seems too unapproachable. He's got a certain style, hot girls around him all the time- he's a womanizer, and that I don't find attractive. He's the type that would make me feel like "just another one of the gang", which is definitely not cool with me. Do you see how many women Bond has sex with and then throws away?!

Don't have a plan B because it will deter you from plan A

2010-01-06T23:46:00.004-05:00

I really cannot be a journalist for my whole life. This arrangement will not work out. I realized this today while running around for quotes from sources for a huge article.

My love is art. I still love journalism, searching for the story, discovering things, satisfying my curiousity and learning things I would not have known. I feel compelled to write whenever I discover something new, yet the stress that comes with not being able to say exactly what I mean does not sit well with me.

I suppose you can get stressed with art too. With not being good enough, or not creating enough. Or having an artistic block.

Writing is different, once you learn, it automatically flows. Style comes naturally and it is not very noticeable in journalistic writing. Once you learn the format, you get it for the rest of your life. Easy.

Maybe I should scrap the whole university business of journalism and just go back into studying art. I would be less stressed and I would be closer to fulfilling my dreams.

But I know I can't. Simply because I am still curious about journalism and also because I owe it to the future me to know what would happen if I kept going at journalism. I can always drop everything and run back to art. I can't go back to this exact program if I drop now.

2010-01-06T12:01:00.003-05:00

I have a hot prof for one of my classes. Imagine James Marsden with hipster glasses.

He is married, but that is okay because now I know what is out there. He's really nerdy in a cute and funny way, he says things like:

"The other day, I was talking to my wife in equations. I said 'let p be the fridge, let b be the beer, open p and bring me b'".

He was joking of course, but it's still really nerdy. I wonder who he was in high school, I wonder how he met his wife.

He reminds me of Will Shue from Glee.

Dialogue

2010-01-01T23:23:00.002-05:00

Meetings in houses:

"Okay, I will clean my room before you come over."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to think I'm a slob."

"Why do people feel like they need to clean their houses everytime someone visits? I feel it is more honest if people left their houses just the way it is."

(a pause)

"Okay. I won't clean it then."

(another pause)

"But then again, it's nice to have good personal hygiene as well..."

Liebe

2010-01-01T21:57:00.002-05:00

I need to move to Germany and meet David Kross. I watched the trailer for his movie, Same Same but Different. I don't understand what the actors were talking about, but I recognized one word, "liebe", which means love. I feel like I'm on my way to learning and understanding this language already!

German men are so lovely. They make me wish I could speak German.

Love

2009-12-31T01:45:00.002-05:00

There is so much I should be writing. After everything I experienced here at Urbana afterall. I need time to figure things out, after that, things should be clearer.

No regrets, just a new path to start.

Things I find adorable in boys

2009-12-31T01:34:00.002-05:00

I think it's really cute when a guy covers his eyes when knocking on your hotel room because he's afraid someone might be naked.

Books

2009-12-23T01:43:00.003-05:00

Reading "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho.

I have decided that I want to read all his books, and all of Chuck Palahnuik's books as well. There aren't that many, at most 20 in total?

It's crazy because the girl in the book is me, minus the suicidal part. And the apathetic part.

There is so much wisdom in Coelho's books and stories. I wish I had a grandfather who would tell me stories like that. I do have a grandfather, but its different... Perhaps this is a sign that I should talk to my grandfather more before he passes away. There are so many stories of things that he's gone through, being that he's from communist China.

Books and stories are beautiful lovers. I wish I could just spend days and days reading without being bothered by people like my mom. She's currently in a house-cleaning project and wants me to help her, which I don't mind so much, but I'd rather read.

Guys like this need to get a life

2009-12-20T00:06:00.004-05:00

I was harassed at work today. It came as quite a shock because well, I wasn't expecting it. At least not at the video store where I work. A video store. And we're in a good, well-established and classy neighbourhood too.

It came in the form of a phone call. I was helping a male customer on the phone with some price checks, being professional the whole time and then at the end of the call, he asks, "Are you hot?".

I hung up on him.

At the last two places I worked at, get harassed by male customers was bound to happen, I suppose. It was a surprise today though. I got pissy infront of customers and my boss. No one minded though because my anger was justified.

But seriously, guys who harass women or even other men need to get a life. Harassment shows no respect and insensitivity towards those people. People, no matter who they are, need to be treated like people instead of objects that can be toyed around or played with.

Justice

2009-12-14T18:36:00.002-05:00

I suppose I am naive in thinking everything is so black and white.

But if something was wrong, wouldn't you want to change it too?

Summer Plans (in December)

2009-12-14T16:28:00.004-05:00

I have decided that this summer, instead of pursuing summer courses, or a prestigious internship, I will take it easy (but not really).

I plan to self-educate. That means reading as many classical or cultural or spiritual books as possible. I have a steadily growing list that will never get read during the school year, due to all my courses. I'll post it soon.

I also want to take advantage of my employment at Rogers and watch all the movies and DVDs that would further my cultural knowledge. I like "getting" cultural references, like if someone mentions a line from a movie, I like being able to know where the line is from, how it alludes to other references and the significance of why the person said it and how it fits in to the situation.

I'm going to relive High school by watching teen dramas such as Dawson's Creek and Smallville. I figure that there's plenty of time for me to grow up and get an internship in the next few years.

I haven't heard back from the Toronto Star yet (I ended up applying to an internship there last minute), but I probably didn't get the job, knowing that there are many other applicants who have better portfolios than mine. I'm not going to be applying to internships for a while until my portfolio is well-maintained with lots of quality work and I have lots (meaning 3 more years) of experience writing for my campus paper.

I'm only 19, while that means there are other 19, even 18 year olds out there who are doing their best to grab internships or jobs in their field, I'm really in no rush to grow up. There's plenty of time to do that later. Plenty of time to devote my life to work. My friend is 31 and he's in the same program as me, though we show no signs of getting younger, there is no rush to establish ourselves in our line of work.

My main concern is keeping a focus this summer of reading and watching movies. And creating art. Last summer and the summer before that; too many social activities. Luckily, this summer most of my friends are pretty involved in summer courses and jobs. Hopefully I won't get distracted from my goals.

I envision myself hanging out at a library or a coffeeshop everyday, reading a book, attending concerts/music events occasionally, going out to cultural events (theatre), watching movies at night, and working (at most) twice a week. And making art.

4 whole months x 4-5 books a month = approximately 16-20 books in total. Plus 4-8 movies a week. The goal of my summer is not to make money or meet new people, but to learn.

Awkward moments

2009-12-13T15:00:00.002-05:00

My new mantra is going to be:

Avoid any encounters that are predicted to be awkward. That means: avoid people you usually say hi to if they are with their parents. Or people that you sort of, but don't really know well.

Same same but different

2009-12-10T17:51:00.004-05:00

I saw something that frightened me a tad today. At the library, I was in the cafeteria, and almost everyone was using a Mac computer! There was only one person with a PC. It was an eerie sight!

Everyone was drinking a Starbucks and on their Macs.

Previously, I was considering getting a Macbook. I am reconsidering now, worried about the loss of my individuality. I do not want to be a Macbook clone. I know it sounds frivolous, like a desperate and unnecessary attempt to be different, but I seriously do not want to be lost in the crowd of Macbook users.

I know this is cliche and paradoxical, but I want to be "unique, just like everyone else".

What is it with people wanting to be different? To be distinguished from everyone else? I feel like I need to read a multitude of sociology and psychology books to find this answer. Or maybe google will help...

(back from googling)

Okay, so Google says "Because people want to be special, to be remembered, to somehow be significant in their own way". This is true. Everyone wants to be special. But why? Is it an innate ego thing, or is it a cultural identity thing?

It reminds me of Stephen Christian's Orphaned Anythings book; yet I don't remember the exact reason why. I need to re-read that book. It's one of my favourites, yet I don't remember one of the key messages in it. What a fail...

Thus this leads me to a conclusion: I need to read/re-read more books during the holidays. My list of things to do keeps getting longer.

YES!

2009-12-09T13:19:00.000-05:00

I love it! No more borrowing IDs, I can go to any show/concert in Toronto! Life is really good at this moment.

Live like everyday is your birthday

2009-12-08T15:23:00.003-05:00

A man said to me today "You're the most beautiful lady I've seen today".

He was sweet and so sincere.

I'm inspired to brighten up strangers' and friends' days as well.

Birthday Post

2009-12-08T00:15:00.002-05:00

I turned 19 fifteen minutes ago. And I felt like blogging. I think I did the same thing last year too when I turned 18. I was in my dorm room, talking to someone on msn. Now I am STILL on msn (appearing offline), talking to someone. Once a nerd, always a nerd. I'm definitely not the clubbing type.

The thing about birthdays is that it's nice to get all the attention of birthday greetings. But a part of me feels like I'm not deserving of all this attention. All the phone calls, texts, facebook one liners...

What did I do that deserves all of this? Nothing, nothing at all. I just managed to survive living for 19 years of age. Not difficult. Billions of people have done it.

It's strange eh? The phenomenon of birthdays. Having cake and presents and parties and being surrounded by friends.

I appreciate it all. I really do. Thanks, everyone!

I just wish I'd do something extraordinary...

Decisions

2009-12-06T22:19:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I feel like Leonard from the movie Memento. I go ahead and do something and I later regret that decision. I can't seem to remember why I went and did something in the first place. Everything seems so confusing and unfamiliar.

I keep hearing that stress affects decision-making skills. Was it stress speaking for me?

Perhaps I have a split personality like Tyler Durden in the Fight Club.

Whatever. It's too late to change anything. No use moping about anything.

I need to "grab life by the balls". Somehow, that sounds so wrong...

Finding roots

2009-12-04T15:03:00.002-05:00

To my first love, visual arts:

I'm sorry I've neglected you these past few months. Me and you are going to spend a lot of time together in the next while, I promise!

With love,
Jessica

Note to Self:/ why I'm not a heavy drinker

2009-12-03T23:08:00.003-05:00

Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol in public. The asian glow is not attractive.

Vanity aside, here are the reasons I'm not the biggest fan of alcohol:

1. The thought of alcohol flowing through my bloodstream is unsettling. I just don't like the idea...
2. I don't like the smell of beer breath
3. Bad experiences: people puking all over the place
4. Bad experiences with me puking all over the place
5. People start doing stupid things and it freaks me out
6. I start doing stupid things and it freaks me out the day after because I don't know what I've done!
7. I don't like hangovers.
8. And back to the vanity: beer bellies.

Thoughts about Valkyrie:

2009-12-03T13:03:00.002-05:00

Thoughts about the movie, not the actual event.

I watched the movie Valkyrie yesterday starring Tom Cruise. The movie is mostly centred around the going-ons of Europe, so there were no people of different races, everyone was white. Also, most of the story focused around what men did and women played a secondary role in the movie.

The movie was about Tom Cruise's actions, he played Colonel Stauffenberg- a central figure in the Valkyrie operation. The person I really identified with was Stauffenberg's wife. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being a housewife, taking care of the house, having beautiful blond children like she did, having a nice big well-furnished house and a handsome war hero husband.

Despite equal rights for women nowadays, I also like the old-fashioned notion of women staying at home taking care of children. It seems so romantic to wait for your man at home. It really does.

On the other hand, I'd like to have my own career and make my own impact on the world. I don't believe in men treating us as lesser than other men. I wouldn't mind being incharge of a large media organization, or making the calls for big decisions. But then again, I suppose anyone would enjoy power.

Your thoughts?

Dreams are so funny

2009-12-03T12:57:00.003-05:00

I had this dream where I went to a John Mayer concert and bought a ticket near the very back because obviously I can't afford front row. And then it turns out not many people showed up at the concert, so people in the back were allowed to move up to the front.

Yeah, I know right?

Dream on...

You live, you learn

2009-12-01T14:16:00.002-05:00

One of my worst nightmares has just come true and it's not bothering me all that much. So the paper will have to print a retraction- big deal, it wouldn't be the first time. If Jan Wong can stand through the fire, I can too.

Problem is though, I made a journalistic mistake, she just wrote her opinion. I still stand by my article though.

This would have been my reply, had they not shut the comments section down.

Despite the inaccurate monetary amount in this article, I still stand by my point of view. $28.57 is a substantial amount of money for an unskilled job such as a station collector. There are many Torontonians out there who are making minimum wage, $9.50, yet their job requires them to treat customers with respect and courtesy. The TTC should learn to do the same. People are bitter towards the TTC not only because of the increased fare but also out of resentment of the high wages TTC workers earn but the low quality of service the commuters recieve in return.

There are also many companies out there who are cutting on staff in the recession. CEOs are taking less money because of stockholder complaints.

I do agree that the government should have more of a hand in funding, but at the same time, there are many holes the TTC needs to fix to justify the fare increase to customers.

As for Transit City, only time will tell if it is as successful as the marketing says it will be.

What can I say? I'm still learning. You don't always get it right the first time. Though this will have repercussions for my later articles- they will probably check them like a hound dog- it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bad journalist or that I am destined to be a bad journalist. Einstein started off really slow too. It takes courage to say what you really feel, sometimes going against the flow and sparking controversy.

I move on.

2009-11-30T19:07:00.003-05:00

Dear Food Channel,

As much as I'd love to try making your recipes, I simply do not have 6 hours of spare time to wait for the food to cook while stirring every hour. I cannot afford the 1 hour preparation time to cut and wash everything.

It is a nice fantasy to watch your cooks in your sparkling kitchens with all the food pre-cut though. Too bad its not my reality.

Notes to self:

2009-11-30T14:56:00.002-05:00

If you want something bad enough, nothing is stopping you. How an indie filmmaker cut out the middleman

I get by with a little help from my friends...

2009-11-29T22:37:00.003-05:00

I always feel better after phone calls with the best friend. I just realized that despite all the supposed "cons" in my life right now, that I am actually really blessed. It helps to know that someone is right there with you after every down moment.

On another note, I was invited to a party with the Drama Society. I'm not going to go because I don't want to see what everyone looks like drunk. It doesn't seem appealing somehow.

Now, on to finishing this monster essay!

Library Thoughts

2009-11-28T17:06:00.002-05:00

Today my mom dropped me off a block away from the library, making me walk there, saying that I "needed the exercise". She was going to go in the library's direction anyway but decided that I needed the fresh air. She drove off with an evil smile, leaving me with my backpack and winter jacket in the cold. Thanks mom...

On the way to library, I obviously got distracted, and ended up in a free-admission art gallery run by the university. I learnt that artists often B.S. their artist statements about their strange pieces of work. Even if the artwork looks like crap, it means something deep apparently. I think I could be a good artist.

At the library now. An hour ago, my laptop was overheating and I was greeted with, as all the techgeeks say "the blue screen of death". It was pretty horrible. The internet here sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. It's not a good day to be a U of T student.

Comparisions

2009-11-25T12:39:00.003-05:00

Day after day I feel stupider and stupider. Here I am moaning and complaining about the TTC's increased fees and there are others out there who are reading Malthus and commenting on how contraception will reduce poverty in our economic times.

I feel like the marks I get in class aren't deserved now. There is always someone out there who is smarter, better.

Not me, today.

The world is quick and I feel like I'm running behind.

Resemblaces between Don and KevJumba:

2009-11-24T23:16:00.002-05:00

Both are asian. Both are Mandarin. Both are cute and funny. Both are 19. Both have had at least 3 girlfriends.

One goes to school in California, one goes to school in Ontario.

Trying to decide which one is cuter...

KevJumba is definitely funnier (sorry Don), but he's not as fit?

One is a celebrity and has thousands of girl fans, but the other will always have a place in my heart.

Thanks for the laugh today, Youtube.

Yeah, that's life...

2009-11-24T23:10:00.001-05:00

How sad. I wrote our anniversary in my calendar and now I have to cross it out.

Note to Self #2:

2009-11-23T13:04:00.002-05:00

No more watching depressing films. Life is depressing enough. Too much thinking wears out the brain anyway. It's easier to be a "bimbo" and watch chick-flicks/rom-coms all day.

Songs I'm really feeling right now

2009-11-23T10:33:00.002-05:00

Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia John Newton
All By Myself- Celine Dion

This is pathetic I know, wallowing in self-pity and break-up songs- but what else can I do?

Charm 101

2009-11-21T22:21:00.004-05:00

Many people underestimate the power of charm. These are the same types of people who give up easily.

I have gotten into a sold-out concert for free, gotten free food (once, it was a catered event and I wasn't invited), gotten my math teacher to change my grade, gotten myself employed...

One of the things you have to understand about charm is that you can use it to get things you want. You can also use it to win people over.

I discovered this back in high school when I was performing a song at the talent show my high school organizes. I changed the song last minute and I added a guitar player, however I didn't tell the person who was organizing the show with enough time beforehand. In my mind, I didn't think it would be a big deal because I just needed an extra chair for him to sit beside me, they wouldn't need to add an extra mic or anything. No biggie right?

Wrong. Apparently, since he would be sitting beside me (we were doing an acoustic set), the whole lighting scheme would change. One spotlight wouldn't be big enough for both of us.

I was trying my hardest to convince the woman supervisor, but she wouldn't let me perform the song because it was last minute and it wasn't written into the script. And then the male teacher who was incharge of the whole production came in and asked what was wrong. I told him my case. At the end, he said it was no problem, and I was able to perform the song I wanted to. He pulled me in for a hug (which was kind of uncomfortable for me), but I let him hug me anyway because of what he just did for me.

And that was the start of me realizing what my womanly charm could do.

Men can charm too, so if you're male and you're reading this, don't feel disadvantaged.

I was at a bookstore today, and the bookstore owner, a man in his 40s tried to get me to buy more books by referring to me as the "pretty young lady". He wasn't hitting on me and I didn't find him creepy. It's completely fine to dole out compliments. Infact, I found his friendliness quite genuine and it makes me want to continue being a customer. I should also add that there are many men out there who use their charm to seduce women into one-night stands, and it works quite often.

The other time when I got both me and my then-boyfriend into the sold out show for free, the boyfriend complained that it seemed like I was begging and he was ashamed of standing next to me.

From one perspective, yes, getting things for free after persuading people to give them to you is similar to begging. On the other hand, I see it as using powerful convincing skills to get what you need. I explained to the guy incharge of the doors that I absolutely had to see the band that was sold out and if I could, I'd pay money to see them because they were one of my favourite acts. He was hesitant at first, but in the end, after seeing my determination, both me and the boyfriend got in for free. We saved $45 each! Woohoo!

There was a journalist who came to my university to speak. She was once captured in a foreign country and held in prison. After the guards checked to see that she was indeed a journalist and not a spy, they let her go. There was only one problem, all of her belongings were in her car, which was in an enemy territory. She managed to convince the guards to retrieve all of her things!

If you're reading this, wondering how this blog post applies to you, here are some lessons you can take away:
1. Don't take no for an answer, there is a way around things most of the time.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for more.
3. You can get people to like you and to help you out using charm.

Have fun!

Forgetful Week

2009-11-21T21:10:00.003-05:00

First, I forgot to bring my cell phone to school so my friend couldn't call me to tell me she was going to be late.

Second, yesterday, I switched purses and I forgot to put my wallet in my new purse. I ended up not being able to shop. It was embarrassing, I had my stuff all ready to go and the cashier (who was my friend-more embarassing) rang everything up, and I was like "I forgot my wallet". Walk of shame back out the door and pissy mood for the rest of the day.

Today, I remembered my cell phone, I remembered my wallet. I forgot to bring house keys! Me and my mom left at the same time, and she locked the door.

Hopefully next week, I'll have my head screwed on right.

2009-11-20T23:53:00.001-05:00

Dear handsome man in late 20s. Stop checking me out, I see your wedding ring. That is disgusting!

Found this really sweet:

2009-11-20T12:26:00.000-05:00

Butch Walker on Twitter: Someone next to me just ordered your favorite drink at the coffee shop... Made me smile...

Notes to self:

2009-11-20T10:06:00.003-05:00

1. Write more hard news pieces in the next few months. Your portfolio is not the greatest.
2. Have courage.
3. Finish reading "On the Road". It's been a year now. This is getting ridiculous...
4. One day, you'll be doing greater things and all of this won't matter.

Moving to LA

2009-11-18T23:24:00.002-05:00

Not yet... but maybe.

I'm scared though. I know that the people are sketchy and I'll get beat up for sure if I wander around at night by myself. Everyone there is tattooed. There are tattoo parlours on every block. It makes me think LA is more hardcore than other cities, which probably it is because celebrities hang out there all the time and we all know that celebrities like to party and snort coke.

It's also expensive to live there, says this guide. $800-$1000 rent? Yeah right, like I can afford that each month. Maybe if I make a special deal with the landlord *wink* *wink*, but probably not.

The reality is probably I'll be stuck with a crummy waitressing job alongside wannabe filmstars instead of working at an internship.

I think I'm better off in NY.
Or maybe Toronto, come to think of it. I'm just sick of this city, need to be somewhere new.

All we ever do is say goodbye

2009-11-18T22:08:00.003-05:00

I just saw Love Actually again.
I wasn't aware that I saw it already, but I knew it was familiar when I saw the little boy in the movie. He is adorable.

The movie makes me want to be a couple all over again. It makes me want to hold hands and cuddle under covers and take strolls while snow is falling all around. I want to wear winter jackets and listen to jazz music in shops and walk around downtown and hope everything is perfect and give gifts and eat fancy dinners.

Listening to brand new John Mayer right now. As always, it needs time to grow on me.

I don't think I could be happier at this moment, except for one thing. But it's nice to take a break. I didn't do any work today, just finished my journalism papers, ate breakfast went to sleep again at 12pm, woke up, took a shower, dressed up, went shopping (only bought two CDs for myself). Christmas music is playing in the malls! "Lunch" at 3pm was fried korean dumplings $2 from the Toronto Carts. Shopped at Sporting Life, pretended that I could afford $1000 Prada stuff... yeah right... read magazines in Indigo. Wished I could stay longer, went home and watched Love Actually, and now I'm typing.

I guess I'm not working at the Toronto Star this summer

2009-11-18T12:03:00.004-05:00

A Toronto Star internship was something that I was thinking about doing over the summer, but as I read on their requirements: I would have had to have experience working at a daily, which I do not. Also, the deadline to apply is two days from now and that is much too soon to get together references, a coverletter and a resume.

So now the question is: what do I really want to do with my summer?

I think I want to move to New York... :)

Hopefully that works out and I'll be interning at a magazine. I've got a few in mind... ;)

Movie Review: The Prestige

2009-11-16T18:13:00.002-05:00

I am going to have to take movie recommendations more seriously after this. This movie was absolutely brilliant. The ending was still sort of sad, but I loved all the tricks. The costumes were amazing, Christian Bale is really sharp...

The story, that is what pulls it all together. Without a good story, you have nothing. I don't even know what to say, The Prestige was absolutely stunning.

Christopher Nolan is really good at what he does, no doubt.

...and I loved that the little girl was named Jess.

This is kinda sad, but...

2009-11-15T18:32:00.002-05:00

I think I need someone to chaperone me when I go shopping. Today's purchases were reckless and possibly unnecessary. I bought a black cover-up, but I already have one. They look different of course, but they are interchangable. (If only I bought the tan coloured one that was there a few weeks ago at that time- they were sold out this time)

I'd like to think that I can handle everything myself, that I can be an independent woman, but that is not the case. I need someone to stop me from buying stuff! HELP!

How Scandalous!

2009-11-11T23:55:00.003-05:00

This is the story of the female student reporter who went to interview a young campus police officer and left with his personal phone number.

True story.

Notes for guys:

2009-11-08T23:14:00.003-05:00

How to get woman to fail head over heels for you:

1. Mention that you are a romantic and that you love romance movies.
2. Say that you wouldn't ever pursue someone just because they're good looking and that you're not in it for sex.

Tips for women if you ever meet a guy like this:

1. Ask him what his favourite romance movie is to see if he's for real.
2. If he seems genuine, ask him for his number.

Done.

My Problems with Porn

2009-11-07T22:35:00.004-05:00

Basically, I don't think guys should watch it because they will develop unrealistic expectations and then they will be disappointed when they have sex.

It also makes them feel self-conscious about their endowments below because male porn stars are hired for their size. They're not normal, nope.

Mis-interpreting Christianity

2009-11-07T11:47:00.007-05:00

On Wednesday, I went with my church to go see The I-Heart Movie. It's a well-done movie which the trailer doesn't give justice to. I went into the theatre not wanting to be there, wondering "what in the world have I gotten myself into?" Hold on, before you continue reading, if you haven't already, click on the link and watch the trailer.

It's an inspirational Christian movie, and it made me realize a couple of things.
One of them being that I feel that it is harder to say that you are Christian these days, than to admit that you're gay. I find this ironic because it used to be the opposite a few years ago.

Here's why I think this: First of all, when people hear that you're a Christian, they automatically assume that you're all self-righteous and hypocritical, or like a cheesy Ned Flanders, or even a conservative goody-two shoes. They think you've got a disease or something. If you don't believe me, you should hear how a few people at my old workplace talk about Christians.

On the other hand, its easier to be gay these days because of all the media discourse they get about their issues. Gay people are seen as victims of society. Of course, it was different a few years back, but now this is what it is.

Christians are seen as hypocritical because:
1. The Crusades, where lots of innocent (and not so innocent) people were killed through a religious battle by Christians.

However, anyone who is familiar with the Bible will know that killing people is not something Christians are supposed to do. The best I can do to explain the Crusades is that the people in command of the killing sprees weren't influenced by God, but rather a different source. It is tragic that the image of God was distorted by these killers.

2. There are many people out there today that claim they are Christian, but don't live out a life that reflects God. From little things like swearing, to even bigger things like pre-marital sex, non-believers only see hypocrites. Non-believers see Christians sinning and setting bad examples again and again, which leads to Christianity as a whole to seem like a big lie.

Of course, no one is perfect, which is why we need God in the first place. Through our weaknesses, we begin to see his strength. Non-Christians need to see that Christians are just people too, and not judge the religion based on the mistakes Christians make.

3. Sometimes, Christians aren't very loving, but seem more judgmental. The movie, I-Heart, showed a person holding up a sign that said "GOD HATES FAGS", which isn't true. God loves everyone, its just that He created woman to be with man. It says in Leviticus 20:13, "If a man has sex with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is abhorrent". God does not hate "fags", but rather, hates the sin of homosexuality.

Deconstruction of "Bright Lights"

2009-11-07T11:18:00.003-05:00

Lyrically, this song contains a lot of wisdom. The lyrics are vague, but you get the gist of the idea. The girlfriend of the lead singer is leaving to pursue an acting career in New York city. It sounds like theatre, because if it were movies, she'd be moving to Hollywood. There's also the line "another alien on Broadway", which could reference a street she's moving to, or the actual stage.

I find it incredible that lead singer Rob Thomas can sum up the story with lines like "took all except my name" and "some things in this world you just can't change, some things you can't see until it gets too late".

The latter is such a general statement, it can apply to everyone- which is the genius of these songs. They are so general and vague that anyone can relate to them, and thus, the popularity of the song grows, because people have a bond over them.

Another thing that draws you in to this song is the emotion in it. The singer wants her to come back. He narrates the story so that the audience has an involvement in it, then repeats "come on home" throughout the song. This leads to the audience being affected by the song if they couldn't relate to it in the first place.

Besides the lyrics and the emotion, another selling point is the actual music itself. It follows the typical verse and then build up to the chorus. Added in is a bonus stunner of a guitar solo. The chord progressions are quite simple, but it lets the strength of the melody and emotion shine through. There is also the melody of the lead guitar in the background which starts somewhere in the middle. It adds a sophisticated polish to the already developed song.

Today's awkwardly funny story in 100 words or less

2009-11-05T16:40:00.003-05:00

I have this friend that I know somewhat, we met through a club. I said hi to him once and he didn't recognize me, but he recognized me when I said hi today.

I would like to say that I'm a naturally very friendly person to everyone, but I guess my friend thought I was hitting on him, so he introduced me to his boyfriend.

Yeah... it was pretty awkward. Honestly though, I wasn't hitting on him!

Things I Learned From Don

2009-10-29T22:41:00.002-04:00

1. Whining works when you really really want something.
2. Being more considerate.
3. Photography stuff
4. Technology appreciation
5. A different point of view
6. Social cohesion
7. The names of some cars
8. I might be getting a mac (that's pretty big since I've been a PC person my whole life)

I did some math today...

2009-10-28T17:08:00.002-04:00

Well not really math. More like organizing my life for the next few years.

It's depressing. I'm going to take 5 years to graduate. At the rate I'm going (4 courses a semester), I'm going to have to take summer school (always so terribly fun...) or accept the fact that I'll graduate in 2013.

In the year 2013, I'll be 22. I'll want to live on my own, go to California, or Australia, or Germany, or England.

I'll need a job and a place of my own. And at 26, I'll want to get married, which gives me roughly 4 years to fool around (less than that, since I'd have to get engaged at 25 or even 24)

I would like 1 year to volunteer and travel the world before I really settle down. And I'd like to live in the above-mentioned cities/countries for at least 6 months to really get to know the places.

Also, I would like to study art in New York (maybe for a year or two or three or a full degree).

And somehow have a career in music, film, event planning, book writing, journalism, art... ...maybe in theatre too.

In between all that, I need to put aside a couple of years to be a good housewife too.

Looking back on all my ambitions though, I think I'll need another life to accomplish all this. Instead of telling everyone to "dream big", maybe there should be sayings that say to over-ambitious people like me that go "don't dream too big, you're only one person" ...something like that because I think I'm going to have a huge break-down somewhere before my second career, but the thing is I can't stop myself from dreaming because that's just the way I am. It's all or nothing. Do it all or die trying.